ROCKY ANNOUNCES AN UGLY
TURN
by
Anthonystjoseph
“Hey man!
I’m glad you’re home. We have got to talk.”
“What now
Rocky? I’ve had a long day at work and
all I want is a beer and none of your shenanigans.”
“Hey man,
this is serious… We need to talk, and we
need to do it right now and privately, away from this new ‘Lovely’ character you’ve brought into my home.”
“Okay Rocky,
let me get a beer. Make it quick because
Linda is going to be getting home soon.”
They go into
the other room and shut the door away from ‘Lovely’.
“Let’s hear
it Rocky, what now?”
“Now you
know I consider myself one of the ‘politically correct’ crowd and all.”
“Whatever
Rocky.”
“Anyway man,
as I was saying, you know Rocky is down with most everything but uh, but uh,
ruh, this ‘Lovely’ thing has taken an
ugly turn.”
“What now
Rocky? Did he steal one of your
girlfriends?”
“Not
hardly. And I don’t think that’s going
to be a problem with mister ‘Lovely’”
“What is it
Rocky?”
“Well I,
well I, well I…
“Spit it out
ROCKY!”
“Well I was
in the back yard minding my biz and taking a whiz, and I think I caught Mister
‘Lovely’ taking a peek at the family
jewels if you know what I’m saying.”
“WHAT! Are you kidding me?”
“NO! I am
not kidding! Rocky’s down with a lot of
things, but Rocky don’t roll that way.
ROCKY, DOES NOT, ROLL, THAT WAY!”
“I thought
all you dogs licked each other all over the place anyway.”
“Be careful
poodle, be careful. I told you, Rocky
don’t roll that way. Rocky don’t roll
like that.”
“So what’s
the problem Rocky?”
“Well it’s
got me to thinking that this may damage my reputation at the dog park with the
ladies. There’s already starting to be
some talk.”
(Sighs)
“What talk Rocky?”
‘Well, the
other dogs at the dog park are starting to notice that ‘Lovely’ only hangs out with that big Standard Poodle with the pink
hair and the big yellow bow on his head that lives with those two ‘single’ guys who live in the loft on the
corner, you know the two, ‘Brad’ and ‘Chet’.”
“And?”
“Come on
man, does this have to be a paint by numbers? Lovely is playing for the other
team. This is going to hurt a brothers’
image with the ladies. You know I like
my trim. And yesterday when ‘Lovely’ and I went into the back yard, that
dog Red, my arch enemy next door said, “Hey ladies”. Rocky is not happy. ROCKY, is NOT happy!”
“I’m done
with this conversation Rocky. I don’t
know what you want me to do.”
“Hey man, I
figured out a plan. Don’t worry, don’t
worry, with this plan you can keep your big hipped girlfriend and her dog ‘Lovely’ around, you just have to act
fast.”
“What Rocky;
what, what, WHAT?”
“Watch your
tone poodle. Watch your tone.”
“Keep it up
Rocky. Keep it up.”
“You love
me. Anyway, I’m thinking if you put a
partition in the backyard for a brother to take a private whiz when he has too,
then all the other dogs can see the partition when they’re walking by and
Rocky’s reputation is safe.”
“A
PARTITION! Really Rocky! In the
backyard.”
“Yes, a
partition, brother.”
“Give it a
rest Rocky. Your jewels aren’t that
special anyway, I’ve seen ‘em.”
He opens the
door and exits the room. Rocky yells after him.
“You’ve got
two days man, TWO DAYS! Rocky’s not
feeling the love. Rocky’s not feeling
the LOVE!”
At this
point ‘Lovely’ comes in the room.
“Did someone
call me?”
“Aaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”
By
Anthonystjoseph
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