EXPOSING THE WOLF
by
Anthonystjoseph
We have all
grown up hearing the tale of the ‘Three Little Pigs’ and at the same time
enjoying, laughing, mourning, and scorning the characters of the legendary
tale. Our parents and teachers read the
story of the three hapless pigs that all had varying degrees of intelligence in
regards to their choice of building materials for their home. We have laughed at the silly pig who built
his house with straw while commending the pig who built his house with
brick. I myself, am personally in possession of highly
classified documents which are marked Top Secret which clearly exonerate the
infamous 'wolf' of the ‘Three Little Pigs’ tale and these documents completely prove his
innocence, but this story is not about him.
This story is about the fact that ‘The Three Little Pigs’ is actually a
true testament and the real wolf is actually the elements.
Several years back I decided to take the
plunge and finally anchor myself physically by buying my first home. I knew I wanted something with a low mortgage
which was in contrast to my income because I had good reason… Around the same time I was getting into this
home purchasing situation I found out that I had a heart condition which was
called ‘Mitral Valve Prolapse’. I wanted
a low mortgage payment in case my heart ever did what the doctors said it was
going to do; so that if I ended up retired then I could still afford my own
mortgage on my home and not have to move from a home I created to suit me.
I had learned so much in my home buying
research and found that foreclosures provided the best ‘bang for your buck’ so
to speak… I went through several
different realtors and several different locations. I needed this and I needed that in my
home. I was preparing for a heart that
clearly was not going to give out as fast as the doctors said it would but I
was preparing. The main thing I was
concerned about in my home purchase was high ceilings. I had to have high ceilings for a piece of
artwork I purchased in Tucson, Arizona which stands around thirteen feet
tall… There aren’t that many reasonably
priced homes with cathedral ceilings but I found two neighborhoods that
accommodated my fiscal needs.
I found my home and it was perfect for me. Had I only looked closer. Had I only been told that ‘The Three Little
Pigs’ was a true story and to be a smart pig.
This home was in one of the few neighborhoods in Colorado were property
values were going up, according to the appraisal; this, in a country suffering
from a real estate crisis that had realtors finding new sources of income due
to no sales and financially troubled homeowners finding new homes due to no
HOME. All I saw when I looked at the
house was the fireplace pit room with a ceiling so high it could accommodate my
artwork and my ego and still leave room for a date. I had to have the house.
After a year of searching for my two main
qualifiers which were high ceilings and a low mortgage, I found my home… The realtor was happy and very ready to be
rid of this eccentric client and I was ready to be in my first home. My realtor called me and informed that an
investor had bought the home. We went
back to the neighborhood to try to find another one of the same design, of the
home I wanted to buy, in the same development.
I tell my realtor about the one house that had the same fireplace pit
room but the yard was all cement. We go back
and look at the house we had previously passed over and it is a foreclosed bank
owned property which seemed to have an angry homeowner who decided to get back
at the bank by doing some damage to the home…
The homeowner had caused damage that would come to haunt me and my
budget for years to come. I walk past
the cement yard, which I see, I walk past the dog feces everywhere on the
carpet, which I see, I walk past…, which I see; I walk past so many things that
I don’t see. Again I must state, this
was my first home purchase. I sign the
papers and make the offer and the house is mine.
I then start traveling the country and I
leave the house sitting empty for a whole year without moving in or touching a
thing… This didn’t bother me at all
because I was now a homeowner. I finally
get back to Colorado and decide to start fixing up my beautiful home with its
cathedral ceilings and basically just a beautiful bone structure of home design
to work with… I really see that now I
was not equipped to make the best decision because my home buying knowledge had
a faulty foundation. The foundation for
ANY home buyer should always be the story of THE THREE LITTLE PIGS! Beware of the WOLF!
I have spent a small fortune renovating
the inside of my house to reflect the majesty of the person living there, me, and
the complete sense of superior interior design of said person, me, but now I am
on to fixing up the outside which will complete the transformation of the one
and only true king of money pits, my house.
Over the years I have watched the outside of my house deteriorate more, as
all the neighbors and their visitors have watched the outside of my house
deteriorate more… The outside of my
house is made of something called a t1-11 board. This t1-11 board is not even wood; it’s not
even wood sticks, it’s just a little stronger than cardboard… After having bought the home and letting the
ether of the high ceilings wear off I see pieces of my house falling off and
deteriorating… I can see insulation in
some spots as paint and pieces fall off this t1-11 board. So according to the pig story, I am only
slightly smarter than the pig who built his house out of straw, the dumbest
one. This is in extreme contrast to my
high IQ, but here again, FOUNDATION.
Due to the fact that the previous
homeowners never painted the siding on my home, the t1-11 board is deteriorating
rapidly. I didn’t see all of this when I
bought the home because I didn’t look. I
didn’t see all of this when I bought the home because I didn’t KNOW to
LOOK. That’s because no one told me that
‘The Three Little Pigs’ story was a rule and not just a story… No one told me that the wolf was actually the
elements and that he’s always there wherever you go and he comes in many
forms.
I have had to jump out of my bed several
times in early morning hours to crazily run off a local wood pecker who had
decided that my house should be his house since it’s made of some easy to
remove wood like material. I have purchased a Sooper Soaker long
distance water rifle and filled it with pesticide to spray woodpeckers and
other birds to run them away from building homes in my home. The neighbors have come to get use to the
crazy black man with four feet long dreadlocks hanging out of a top story
window with a Sooper Soaker shooting water at birds on his house… They think its
water… The birds know different… The birds now know what I should have known
if I had been warned with the true knowledge that ‘The Three Little Pigs’ story
is actually a true story and the WOLF does exist in the form of the
ELEMENTS! The birds in my neighborhood now
know... Even though that house looks
like its wood, and you might think you should, it don’t make it good, to build
a home.
By
Anthonystjoseph
All works copyrighted
and protected by law
