CONVERTIBLE CLOWNS IX: CONVERSATIONS WITH THE DARK LORD
by
Anthonystjoseph
Anthonystjoseph had been captured by the
Convertible Clowns and now he was somewhere in the underworld being held
captive by the Dark Lord himself. Why
had the cougar abandoned him and why had the cougar said it was his path. It seemed to Anthonystjoseph that he had
finally been fully abandoned by God.
Whatever was in store for him, he knew he would never commit to the Dark
Lord’s bidding like his so called friends the Convertible Clowns had. He would remain who he was in the core of his
soul and that was for sure. He knew
nothing could change that. Besides, his
time with the cougar and the cougar’s teachings had made him a much stronger
person; he would be strong. He was being
dragged through the underworld in chains by Paula the Prison Bird and
Ridiculous Rodney who like Paula had seemed to have recently gone through
another transformation. They were being
led by Toothless Tito who seemed to be in charge.
They led Anthonystjoseph in chains into a
large room with no ceiling whatsoever; it seemed the room was filled with all
sorts of demonic and clown like looking people.
They approached the far side of the room from the entrance and came to
an amazing and ominous throne. There in
a huge chair made of extremely colorful and luminescent rock sat a being that
Anthonystjoseph could not mistake for anyone other than the Dark Lord
himself. For some reason Anthonystjoseph
wasn’t scared. Somewhere deep in his
soul he realized this meeting was always going to happen. Prison Bird Paula and Ridiculous Rodney threw
Anthonystjoseph down in chains at the base of the Dark Lord’s Throne. Toothless Tito says, “As you requested my
Lord.” Anthonystjoseph starts to stare
up at the Dark Lord as the Dark Lord rubs his chin and stares at him. All of a sudden the Dark Lord lets out an
unearthly laughter that rocks the entire chamber. Anthonystjoseph finally looks the Dark Lord
directly in the eyes with almost complete disbelief in the true fact that his
life has really led to this point.
The Dark Lord tells the Convertible Clowns
to leave the room and directs everyone else with a wave of his paw to also
clear the room. Anthonystjoseph stands
up in his chains and stares at the Dark Lord as the Dark Lord stares at
him. The Dark Lord waves his paw and the
chains binding Anthonystjoseph magically disappear. Anthonystjoseph looks down in disbelief and
stretches his hands and arms for relief.
The Dark Lord continues to stare at him and says, “I’ve been watching
you for a very long time young man.”
Anthonystjoseph uses all the courage he can muster and remembers the
angelic cougar saying he was still protected and responds, “And?” All of a sudden the Dark Lord loses his
temper and lunges at Anthonystjoseph and comes within an inch of his face while
they both stare face to face with Anthonystjoseph trying to lean back and
clearly horrified by the proximity of the Dark Lords face and obvious closeness
to such evil. The Dark Lord slowly opens
his mouth and then quickly in a bit of anger says, “Listen to me you unwanted
reject from a dried up NUTSACK! I’m not
the ‘G’ man upstairs. I will make you
regret the day the Earth was created knowing you would eventually be born! This is my world! This is my domain. All of you BELONG TO ME!” He is still staring directly into
Anthonystjoseph’s face as drool starts to leak from his mouth that reminds
Anthonystjoseph of the drool he saw leaking from Ridiculous Rodney’s mouth.
The Dark Lord returns to sit in his throne
as he continues to stare at Anthonystjoseph.
Anthonystjoseph realizes that his protection is clearly in place and
also realizes that this Dark Lord considers him important and wants something
from him.
The Dark Lord starts to talk and warns
Anthonystjoseph, “First off, I hear you have talked a lot of crap to the ‘G’
man upstairs and I want to warn you after your first rude response to me that I
will have none of it! This is my
WORLD! You’re just a squirrel trying to
get a NUT!” Anthonystjoseph says, “I
thought Oran ‘Juice’ Jones said that line.”
“I SAID THAT LINE!” “I still
think Juice Jones said it.” The Dark
Lord hisses, “You keep on, just keep on.
I’ll turn you into a creature that makes Paula the Prison Bird look like
a beauty queen. Keep on talking smack in
my kingdom.” Anthonystjoseph realizes
that maybe he should just start listening; this Dark Lord does seem to have the
power at the moment.
The Dark Lord sits on his Throne and
stares at Anthonystjoseph while Anthonystjoseph stands and stares at the Dark
Lord. The Dark Lord starts to explain,
“I heard you’ve gotten to the point where you’ll ‘Argue with the ‘G’ Man’ and
talk back a lot but I’m going to tell you one more time. You exercise that smart mouth down here and
I’ll wrap you up tight like a stale Christmas Cookie and they won’t be able to
open you up until the end of mankind…”
Anthonystjoseph had no idea what a stale Christmas Cookie wrapped tight
was like and was really starting to feel like the Dark Lord sounded like
someone whose elevator didn’t go to the top floor. Anthonystjoseph started thinking about the
angelic cougar and still remembering that the angelic cougar said he would
always be protected and that if he had the courage to argue with God he should
surely keep the courage to argue with this demonic windbag. Suddenly the Dark Lord shouted, “ARE YOU
LISTENING TO ME! Do you dare have the
audacity to stand in my THRONE ROOM and let your THOUGHTS WANDER OFF!?!” Anthonystjoseph grabs the chance and says,
“Well, you were starting to ramble on.”
The Dark Lord starts to turn deep red and
then a startling dark blue as he slowly rises and then turns an extremely
luminescent orange and approaches Anthonystjoseph very slowly and gets in his
face one more time as they stand face to face with noses almost touching. The Dark Lord who is clearly trying to calm
his own self down opens his mouth and starts to speak as Anthonystjoseph cuts
him off and says, “Dude, your breath!”
The Dark Lord turns deep purple and hauls off and smacks Anthonystjoseph
with his paw as Anthonystjoseph flies across the throne room through the air and
lands near the door. Ridiculous Rodney
and Paula the Prison Bird are standing outside the doors to the Throne room and
can be heard giggling. Ridiculous Rodney
cracks the door open and whispers to Anthonystjoseph on the floor, “You’re gonna get
it now rookie! Christmas Cookie time;
the end of mankind!”
The Dark Lord stands at his Throne and
raises his paw as Anthonystjoseph’s body lifts and proceeds to be pulled slowly
back through the air back towards the base of the Throne. Suddenly he his slammed to the floor once
again at the base of the Dark Lords Throne.
The Dark Lord says, “Listen to me closely
and understand all that I say. As it
tells you in your Bible, this is my world. And I will say his name in my world this one
time. Again, as it tells you in your
Bible, God gave me the power over the earth.
All of you belong to me. All of
you BIT THE APPLE! You chose to leave
His Heavenly Kingdom when you listened to me and bit the apple and became
FLESH! I am the SERPENT! YOU BIT THE APPLE! YOU CHOSE TO BECOME FLESH! Welcome to my world!” Anthonystjoseph was taking in everything he
was saying and then thinking to himself how he didn’t even like apples all that
much. He certainly wouldn’t have left
Heaven for one. The Dark Lord read his
mind and screamed! IT’S A METAPHOR PUNK! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART! You accepted the apple of flesh and left the
Heavenly garden of his spiritual world and all of its rewards and now you are
in my what, MY WORLD!”
All of a sudden, Anthonystjoseph lunged at
The Dark Lord and wrapped his arms around him and proceeded to start saying The
Lord’s Prayer, “Our Father, who art in Heaven…”
Then with a flash of light The Dark Lord burst into a cloud of dust as
Toothless Tito, Paula the Prison Bird, and Ridiculous Rodney all ran into the
chamber. Tito screamed, “WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE!” Then all of a sudden the angelic
cougar came down from the sky of the room with wings that each seemed ten feet
long and were glowing as Anthonystjoseph jumped on his back and then the cougar
headed for the sky of the underworld and they abandoned the Convertible Clowns
and all of the other demonic entities to their life without The Dark Lord. All of a sudden the angelic cougar and
Anthonystjoseph were magically transported to the cabin at the lake in the
desert and as they landed the cougar’s wings went away.
The cougar turned to Anthonystjoseph and
said, “Your journey has just begun. He
turned and walked back into the desert as Anthonystjoseph sat down on the porch
of the cabin and couldn’t believe what he had just gone through but at the same
time happy that he had come out of it alive and not found out what a Christmas
Cookie was when it was wrapped up tight until the end of mankind.
As he sat on the porch an angelic being
walked out of the desert and up to Anthonystjoseph and said, “I’m your
soulmate, it’s time to go home.”
By
Anthonystjoseph
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