TAMIKA &THE MENNONITE
SHEPHERD
by
Anthonystjoseph
Now I’m going to start this one with comedy
and finish with some love from God and you better read it all. If you think you’re just going to come in
here and get the comedy and then run off, you’re WRONG! I will come on you like a thief in the night
so you best read all of it!
I just recently had a run in with TAMIKA! Now if you don’t know Tamika, let me introduce
you to her. You know Tamika; she’s the
kind of girl with thighs that take turns occupying the same airspace and fight
each other for real estate. She
generally comes with a lollipop in her mouth and a hair attachment that’s
impeccably in place because she’s GOT THAT part of life DOWN! Normally she rolls in flip flops and cut off
shorts but during the winter she wears a dress to keep warm. Tamika’s other accessories are three to four
kids usually scattered in a hundred yard radius to which she shouts at
occasionally to put something down unless they plan on getting a job to pay for
it. She never misses a beat sucking on
her lollipop, I imagine she’s keeping certain muscles ready for later performances.
Tamika’s the kind of sister that will walk
right up to a brother and give him the once over taking your clothes off with
her eyes while kicking the kid to the side and taking the lollipop out of her
mouth and saying things like, “You sho’ is fine! Boy, you know what I would do to you,
HMMP! SHIRLEY! (Summoning her friend)
Come on over and look at THIS!” “What’s
your name sweety?” I timidly respond
Tony and pray she doesn’t beat my ass if I don’t respond properly. Don’t laugh, it’s happened.
Well
I just had this Tamika call me from the front desk of my current hotel and come
out of her skin on me over the phone. I
had just paid for my hotel and Tamika in her attention to details forgot to tell
her computer. So I am awakened by Tamika
who calls me on the hotel phone in my room saying, “Check out is at eleven!”. I can almost hear her neck swiveling through
the phone as if I’m one of her deadbeat dads who is behind on her child support
check… I explain to her that this is the
guy who just paid her two hours ago and she says, “Oh, my bad.” That’s TAMIKA… Now you know her.
Well if you read my stories you know that
I like to experience different churches and you also would know that I recently
received an invitation to visit a Mennonite Church. Well I jumped on the invitation and almost
couldn’t wait for the day. From my
limited understanding, the Mennonites were an offshoot of the Amish people so I
didn’t know what to expect. A client of
mine had invited me and said that he wasn’t even Mennonite but the first time
he attended the church it just had so much love and the members made him feel
so welcome. I think a welcoming and warm
atmosphere is the only thing you can ask for in regards to a church so I was
definitely going.
The church was about thirty miles from my
hotel and the directions were very simple from the client. On my way using the simple directions I had,
I drove past a regular looking church that I had gone by before with the same
advertisement as before on the marquis announcing ‘vacation’ bible school. I turned down the road that I was told to
turn down and started to look for what I thought a Mennonite church would look
like. I figured it would probably be a very
rural looking building with possibly a few horse and buggies outside. I really had no idea what to look for. I should have used Google on this outing. After three miles my inner voice said I had
gone too far based on the directions I had received from my client. I stopped to ask a farmer for directions.
The one thing that I have learned about
people who live in small towns is that they will all give you directions at any
time, but they will also take their own sweet time and offer all other bits of
information they feel like sharing that day.
I pulled over and stuck my head out the window and asked this farmer I
saw for directions to the Mennonite Church.
He stuck his hand in the air like he was pushing a ‘pause’ button on
‘time’ itself, as in saying, hold on, and started towards my car (just point me
in the right way old man, I’m running late for church, as usual). It was at this
point that I realized these people probably don’t get that many visitors so
company was deeply appreciated. They
also don’t use street signs very often in the country (it’s always like, ‘turn
right at the big tree with the limb shaped like a fishing pole hauling in a
huge tire, you can’t miss it’, and then ‘turn left at the Piggly Wiggly’… --grant
me serenity because I want to strangle this man). When he gets close enough to my car, I inform
him that I was INVITED to the Mennonite Church. I don’t want him to report me to the State
Patrol I just drove past. He looks at my
license plate and says, “Ya’ come all the way from Col-a-RADA’”. I just laughed a little and repeated my
needs. He says, “Well, you go back to
the switchback” WTF! What in God’s map
of maps is a switchback? I didn’t ask,
my memories of switches is not good. “Then turn left at the blinking lights”
OMG! I do know what a blinking light is
though, he means the stoplight. “Then
make a left and you can’t miss it. It’s
the stone building.” This is the church
that I drove past earlier with the ‘vacation’ bible school sign. Great, late for church again!
I get to the church and hear singing and
go to the front door and its LOCKED! NOT
AGAIN! I think of a side door and go
around and it’s open, thank GOD! A
brother does not want to be locked out of CHURCH! I am greeted by the friendliest usher and
informed him that I am a guest of the Whiteley’s’, I don’t want any
trouble. I find a seat in the back and
sit down. The singing is a little above
bland but definitely better than the Methodist church from the week
before. I see Mr. Whiteley and he sends
me a kind smile over the pews. Later, I’m
not sure if it was my imagination or did the usher hold tight on to the
collection plate when it was passed to me and release it to the person after me
as if I was going to bolt for the door with the day’s collections… I don’t think I imagined that at all.
The
church was just a normal church with no horse and buggies or burning of the
pigs or anything out of the ordinary like I was expecting. Note to self, got to use Google more often. The
pastor at this church gave an amazing sermon that was insightful and helpful
and very adept at helping his flock to grow in the right direction. I learned that the word ‘Sin’ in Greek means
to miss the mark. I was very moved by the
sermon as a whole and was very grateful to God for leading me to this church at
this time. I was so moved that I wanted
to personally thank the pastor for his service that seemed to speak directly to
me. At the end of the service I stood up
when the microphone was being passed around for anyone who wanted to say
something and I told the crowd what I had intended to tell the pastor as I
left. I informed them over the
microphone that in my travels I go to lots of churches and then went on to tell
them this: I said,
“There are
those that want to be shepherds.
There are
those that choose to be shepherds.
There are
those that are chosen to be shepherds.
And then
there are those like your Pastor Conn who ARE shepherds.”
I then
thanked him for his great sermon and the Whiteley’s invitation to visit their
church. When the service was over almost
everyone in the church had a desire to come and meet this stranger with the
kind words and even some of the kids seemed to be enamored with me. It was the most rewarding church service I’ve
been to in a long time. I felt thankful
and on the right path of God when leaving the church that day. Pastor Conn was truly a man close to God and fully
invested in sharing the wealth.
As I walked out of the church I saw
Tamika! She had been sitting in the
front row with all three kids and had even left the flip flops and cut offs at
home. She still had the crinkle braids
with the blond streaks but she didn’t look threatening at all, she had found
GOD, thank the Lord! We were safe.
By
Anthonystjoseph
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