Direct TV: My Media Pimp

                                                                                                                   

Direct TV: My Media Pimp

by

Anthonystjoseph

     For a year or so now I have been contemplating and planning an exit strategy from the high cost of cable due to two reasons.  First off, I think it’s too expensive to pay anyone around a hundred dollars a month just to watch television.  When I grew up we had four channels that were free and we were fine.  Secondly, I have a book that I only have six or so chapters to finish and I really need to finish this book to get onto some other projects…  I have always had a problem with Direct TV’s marketing standards and practices of luring you in with a very low monthly advertisement that seems impossible to get if you want to watch shows in color.  Direct TV is a pimp selling other peoples goods and products with an extremely low overhead just like all pimps DEMAND.  If you sell a product that isn’t yours then you’re a PIMP!  You are pandering goods.  Well, even though it’s going to be tough to do, like many a ho should, I’m saying goodbye to my PIMP named Direct TV. I’m going to do it!

     When I first bought my home I took a while to settle on cable companies because they all want you to sign a contract.  All good pimps know that the real money is in long term procurements.  I eventually settled on Direct TV due to the fact that they seemed like the lesser of the evils in all of the ‘three’ choices that were available in my neighborhood.  I answered an ad of Direct TV’s that said, ‘$24.95’ a month…  I have never seen a cable bill that was even close to that price.  Apparently, if I wanted the television to be able to turn on and off and for my picture to be in color and blah, blah, blah…  They got me for about a hundred a month with no movie channels.  I did get HBO free for three months though.  It’s like a pimp letting you wear the best dress for the first few months you work for him.

     I spent several phone calls while the pimp explained to me why my monthly payments weren’t anywhere near close to the advertised price and still don’t understand that to this day.  I later purchased a High Definition Television and Direct TV, my pimp, then told me I had to pay FIVE DOLLARS more a month to get a HIGH DEFINITION BOX if I wanted to see my OWN high definition!  This act reminded me of the pimps who use to charge their whores for water when they wanted to wash up!  It was at this point that I wanted OUT!  I realized I had entered into an arrangement with a ruthless, money grubbing, PIMP.  Direct TV, my pimp, told me that if I wanted out I had to pay. 

     Now, like most ho’s know, I was addicted to ‘The Game’ so I couldn’t just leave.  I couldn’t be without my ‘Voice’, or not pay attention to my ‘Housewife’.  How could I ‘Think I Can Dance’ without my ‘Moves Like Jagger’.  One thing I know I would be happy about would be the fact that I wouldn’t have the inclination to indulge in familiar bad habits that the pimp offered like the local ‘Bad Girls Club’; I can surely miss that part of the life.  The main reason resonating in the back of my mind is that I need to finish writing this book.  You can write the book or read the book.  I’m here to do both.

     Well I have been getting close to making the decision to break away from my pimp named Direct TV and lo and behold my pimp has nudged me on…  I guess in some way my pimp cares about me.  My pimp, Direct TV, has chosen to tell several of his clients like MTV, CMT, BET, Nickelodeon, VH1, and others that the deal is not going to change and the prices are going to stay the same for THEIR product…  This is funny to me since my pimp has RAISED my prices!  I am going to leave this dirty money grubbing pimp I swear.  I’m going to DO IT!

     Some people say, ‘It’s hard out here for a pimp’.  Well I say, ‘it’s hard out here for a ho’!  I got needs…  I suffer from addiction.  I’m addicted to enjoyable television in the way most ‘Modern Families’ are…  I know I have to watch my ‘housewife’ at work otherwise she feels neglected.  I just have to tell myself that there are other avenues to fulfill my needs…  There’s always Netflix, DVD’s, and even a friends couch if it gets to that point, but I’m going to do it!

     I just have to get this one last FIX!  You see, ‘Dance Moms’ comes on tonight and I have to see if Chloe or Paige’s mom finally gets a good verbal gut punch in on Abby Lee Miller because it gives me a warm feeling when I see the little guys win once or twice on the reality shows…  I guess I can always go to the networks websites and watch the shows the next day as all of them mostly do.  I’M GOING TO DO IT!

     All in all, I already ‘Know I Can Dance’ and I already knew how to ‘Move Like Jagger’ and I have always had my ‘VOICE’ so I’m going to do it.  I’m going to tell my pimp, DIRECT TV, to take his overpriced plastic boxes and wires and get out of my life.  I’m keeping my money for myself!  I don’t need you Direct TV like you THINK I NEED YOU!  I’m going to DO IT!  I hope I don’t feel like Lonette McKee in ‘Sparkle’ when she told her sister who knocked the cocaine out of her hand and then she scrambled to the floor for the crumbs she could find saying, “Your sister can’t fly on her own wings.”  I can fly.  Like I said, ‘tomorrow’ I’m going to call them and cancel my pimp’s services, I can do it.  I AM GOING TO DO IT!

By

Anthonystjoseph

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