Arguing With God

 

 

ARGUING WITH GOD!

By

Anthonystjoseph

     A friend just told me today that she ‘had’ to go to church this Sunday because she had missed the last two Sundays.  I replied, “Well I haven’t gone to church in around four Sundays because God and I are arguing right now.  She said, “What do you mean!?!”  I said, “Well the last time we talked, we, God and I, got into a serious argument and I feel it’s necessary that when you’re arguing with somebody you don’t go over to their house until all parties concerned have calmed down.”  I felt that the argument got to the point where we were both saying things that we didn’t mean.  He was saying things like, “Mary hold me back!  You better hold me back MARY!  I’m telling you to HOLD ME BACK!”  I was saying things like, “NO Mary!  Let him go!  I ain’t scared!  LET HIM GO!”  Then Jesus piped in with, “Tony!  Can’t you just keep your mouth shut just ONE TIME!”  I said, “HE STARTED IT!”

     These arguments between God and I go way back and have carried on from lifetime to lifetime.  I remember the time when he got so mad at me he screamed, “I’ll STRIKE YOU DOWN YOU LITTLE…!”  I yelled back, “THEN GO AHEAD AND STRIKE ME!  I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO HAVE ME!”  Apparently that last statement of mine is one that really gets his goat because believe it or not he then closed his eyes and said, “Serenity now, serenity now.”  He scares me the most when he gets that quiet tone that he’s known for and starts talking about serenity.

     I think his main problem is that he always has to WIN every single argument.  He thinks he knows everything, and if you have ever known someone who thinks they know everything then you know what I have to deal with.  Have you ever been in an argument with someone who has to win every single debate and has to have every SINGLE last word?  It can get to be so annoying.  I am constantly telling myself to just let him think what he wants and just shut up and that I know the truth, but I just can’t keep my mouth shut as Jesus would and does say. 

     The one thing he’s NOT going to do is apologize so I’m just going to give him some time to cool down and generally that doesn’t take long with him because he’s got so many other problem children aside from me to take care of that in that way I’m lucky.  When it comes to some of the other problem children I look like a saint.  That’s why he calls me Anthonystjoseph.  When he’s in a good mood and I haven’t pissed him off he often tells me how much he loves me and that Saint Anthony and Saint Joseph are proud of me since I was named after them.  We have lots of good times but the arguments just get carried away sometimes and he can be spiteful and vengeful and really ‘mess’ my days up when he’s mad but I go on and hold my head high knowing that I’m right and sometimes he’s not all right.  He then lets me know that he’s always right and I then say, “Sure you are” with my fingers crossed behind my back.  Once, Jesus told on me and said, “His fingers are crossed dad!”  God yelled, “YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT!  I KNOW EVERYTHING!”

By

Anthonystjoseph

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