ROCKY’S N.D.E.
(Near Death Experience)
by
Anthonystjoseph
Although
Rocky seems happy to be alive there is something definitely different about him
since his fight with Sabrina and his brush with death.
“Rocky, are
you okay? I mean something seems different
about you since I brought you home from the vet’s office.”
“I’m fine
Brad. Rocky just looks at life a little
different now days.”
“What’s so
different Rocky? You’re alive; I mean,
you walked by that hairless poodle at the dog park the other day and didn’t
even make a move for it. I don’t
understand what’s going on with you.
What is going on Rocky?”
“Okay Brad,
you have to promise me you won’t tell a soul what I’m about to tell you. Rocky will lose all his street cred if you
do.”
“You know I
won’t tell Rocky. What is it?”
“Well, after
the fight with Sabrina; you know Rocky’s heart stopped beating, right?”
“Yeah Rocky,
I know that.”
“Well Rocky
saw a bright light. And then there was
this tunnel.”
“Oh Lord!”
“Shut up
Brad! I’m trying to tell you what
happened. I didn’t go into the light or
the tunnel at first because I saw you balling your eyes out begging for me to
live! That’s how I knew what was
happening! Rocky was crossing over to
the other side.”
“I wasn’t
balling!”
“Oh please
dude! You were balling like a crack baby
with no CRACK! Shut up and let me tell
you what happened.”
“Okay Rocky,
I was crying.”
“Because you
love me! Anyway, I was hovering above in
the sky and I saw you running and carrying me into the vet’s office. That’s when I saw my grandmother in the light
telling me to come to her and she had something to tell me.”
“Your
grandmother.”
“YES, my
grandmother STUPID! She died a while
back when she got hit by that ice cream truck.”
“How do you
know she got hit by an ice cream truck?”
“Because she
told me BRAD! Do you want to hear this
story or what?”
“Okay, I’m
sorry, go ahead Rocky.”
“So anyway,
I go into the tunnel and there are a bunch of other Rottweiler dogs there and
they all are saying they love me and then there’s this big standard poodle
there just glaring at me. He was even
bigger than Rocky!”
“A Standard
Poodle? Aren’t they the big poodles that
are as big as German Shepherds?”
“You got it
Einstein. So the big poodle is staring
at me and so I asked him, ‘What’s up dude? You want some of Rocky? Because we can do this right here, right now?’”
“You started
a fight in Heaven ROCKY!?!”
“You know
how Rocky rolls, the brother was staring me down! So anyway, he just glared some more and then
my grandmother jumps on me. ‘ROCKY’, she
says, ‘you are not ready to come here.
This poodle here is your great-great-great-great-grandfather Jedidiah. He is ashamed of your behavior on earth to
his fellow poodles.’”
Brad starts
laughing and then his laughter becomes uncontrollable.
“You mean the
big proud Rocky has poodle blood in him, and after all your feelings about
poodles!”
Rocky just
looks at Brad with a straight face as Brad starts to laugh harder and harder
and then crumples over onto the couch holding his stomach from the pain of the
laughter and then tears start to come out of Brad’s eyes he’s laughing so hard.
“So this is
really funny to you, huh Brad?”
Brad cannot
answer from laughing so hard so he just nods his head yeah through the
laughter.
“Listen
CLOWN! Two things; one, you will never
tell ANYONE about this and two, you keep on laughing I’m going to forget my
godly promises and have some poodle soup with BRAD MEAT! Forgive me Jedidiah.”
Brad tries
his best to stop laughing but can’t. He
just barely calms it down a little to speak.
“I’m sorry
Rocky, but I just know how you feel about poodles and this is FUNNY beyond
words!”
“Funny to
you!”
“Oh Rocky,
that was too much. So then what
happened?”
“Well they
all said that I had disgraced the family with my treatment towards poodles and
a certain jogger named Ham Bone that I refused to acknowledge. They told me it did no good to lie in my
situation.”
“Duh.”
“Keep on
Brad. Just keep on.”
“So then what
happened?”
“Well, they
said that I was coming back down here because of a certain ‘cry baby’ and his
‘prayers’.”
“Whatever
Rocky!”
“A certain
‘cry baby’ and his ‘prayers’ proved that I was loved and a good person but I
better improve my poodle eating ways or I was not going to be seeing them the
next time I crossed over. They said
where I was going would not require any Winter coats whatsoever if you get my
drift.”
“REALLY!?!”
“Really. They threatened me with the big heated
underground. That jogger Ham Bone was
screaming something about ‘send him there now’.
The Standard Poodle Jedidiah said that I deserved another chance as he
himself had tasted a lot of Dachshund soup in his days and he managed to change
his ways. So Rocky was sent back and
told to mend his ways.”
“Wow Rocky,
that is an incredible story.”
“You’re
telling me… I mean, I knew you loved me,
but all that crying! What a wuss!”
“Whatever
Rocky!”
“You love
me.”
By
Anthonystjoseph
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