THE CLOWNS ARE BACK!
by
Anthonystjoseph
“There he is over there!” Lord, what have I done to deserve these
savage ass clowns following me throughout my life…? Once again it was Paula the Prison bird who
for some strange reason was not incarcerated.
Ridiculous Rodney was there who was drunk as usual along with Theoda the
Thug! Toothless Tito was also with them
and he had clearly afforded himself a new set of dentures because he was
flashing a set of pearly whites. They
read my mind as they always seem to do as I was asking the Lord what I had done
to deserve them chasing me and they all responded in unison, “We’ll tell you
what you’ve done you raggedy piece of shit!”
Shocked by their response I said, “I wasn’t talking to you!” “Well we’re talking to you! And we didn’t come with no paint guns this
time. Yeah, we read your story you wrote
called ‘The Convertible Clowns’ about us the last time we jacked you up; well, we’re about to clown
your ass again and take you to the Thunder dome ROOKIE!. We’re on orders from the Dark Lord! These are real bullets we’re shooting this
time rootie poot ass NEGRO! You ain’t
been Sent by God, or what did he say
Paula, he was Sent to Share. You ain’t been sent to share nothing! We’re about
to SHARE an ass whipping with your ass.
Shoot him Tito!” And here they
were again inserting themselves into my life.
And what were they talking about when they said the ‘Dark Lord’, could
they be serious. Hopefully they have
just been drinking too much.
The raggedy diabolical clowns from my past
and apparently the bowels of Hell were back!
I was on the run in the desert without water and these clowns looked
like they were just as thirsty. As is
often said, the thirst was real. I was
in trouble. I ran and dodged behind the
only cover available in this sparse desert land I found myself in and tried to
hide behind a Saguaro cactus. They
easily caught up with me. “There that
fool is trying to hide behind that SAGURO Cactus! “SHOOT HIM!
You ain’t invisible NEGRO! And
you damn sure ain’t GREEN! WE CAN SEE
YOU!”
They aimed and fired what appeared to be
one of their new super weapons with explosive hollow point bullets. The Saguaro cactus exploded around me. Paula the Prison Bird said, “Damn TITO! You ain’t never been a good shot! Hand me the gun!” I ran as they reloaded their new weapon and
dashed back and forth trying to find cover.
All of a sudden, I found, or I should say fell into an old river cavern
and tumbled twenty feet down into a dry river bed. I immediately knew how fortunate I was
because the clown’s car couldn’t follow me down the cliff. As I panted and grasped for air I saw a cave
on the other side of the river bed. I
ran towards the cave and ducked inside.
Once inside, I ran to the back of the cave and hoped for something or
someone to save me from these clowns who seemed way more menacing this time and
seemed to forget our long ago friendships altogether. There was an evil and menacing look on their
faces this time.
As I hid in the back of the cave and got
my breath back I felt and realized that I was not alone in the cave. I heard a small growl come from a far corner
of the cave and almost pissed my pants as the growl grew louder and it became very
obvious that I truly wasn’t alone in the cave.
I said the words, “Remember Tony, you’re protected and nothing can harm
you. If it does, the only thing that can
happen is that you go to Heaven”. The
light coming from the entrance to the cave revealed a large cougar coming from
the far corner of the cave who walked straight up to me and looked directly
into my face and stared at me eye to eye.
As the yellow bodily fluid flowed directly and freely from my urinary
tract, I stared him directly in his eyes, he licked my face. A large blast that obviously came from the
clown’s new explosive weapon blasted the cave entrance; the cougar turned from
me and then exited the entrance of the cave.
I sat there wallowing in my self-formed
puddle of bodily fluid and didn’t know what to do. Once again I looked to the Heavens and cursed
God and told him I really wasn’t equipped for this. First, the return of the Convertible Clowns
and now the cougar, what was the universe doing to me…
I heard one of the clowns outside say, “He
ran into the cave!” Then I realized they
had spotted the cougar as he had come out of the entrance to the cave and made
his presence known. One of the clowns
said, “DID THAT SON OF A BITCH TURN INTO A COUGAR?!” “NO STUPID!
The cougar was in the cave! Shoot
the cougar!” I heard a shot from their
new weapon as they tried to kill the cougar.
“You missed Paula!” Then I heard
the cougar let out a tremendous roar as the clowns all screamed and seemed to
be running away. “Everybody get back to
the car! We’ll get that son of a bitch
later!”
The cougar came back into the cave and
walked directly up to me. The cougar
laid down by my side and then laid its head in my lap and I and the cougar
bonded in a moment of consideration and protection. As much as I hated the desert it seemed that
it provided me with protection. I awoke
several hours later and the cougar was gone and night had fallen. I exited the cave and wandered. I came upon a lake that reflected the full moon
in its entirety and proceeded to drink from it and replenish myself. As usual, I asked God and the universe for
forgiveness in losing my faith but as usual, their forgiveness was not needed.
Mine was a path that has been walked many
times before and will be walked many more times in the future… Mine was the path of understanding and the
path of growth. My path was not special,
it was just my time.
By
Anthonystjoseph
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