Spiritual Month IV: My Conversations With God

MY CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

by

Anthonystjoseph

     So I guess I should explain this ability to converse with God since I have been letting you in on a few of the discussions…  I grew up without a father, so my mother, who was a devout Catholic, always told me, “That’s just your Earth Father, God is your father!” Hey, I know she could have caused damage with this statement but I made it out okay.  So then when I went to school, which by the way was also Catholic, I was again indoctrinated with the nuns teaching me the prayer of all prayers, “Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed be thy name…”  And then when we go to church, the priest leads us in prayer, “Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed be thy name…”  So as a child, I’m like, ‘Okay, I guess He’s OUR father.’

     Well since I didn’t have an ‘Earth’ father around the house, I would find myself often thinking of this supposed and alleged Heavenly Father who was all powerful and knowing as just ALL.  I contemplated and I contemplated…  I really wasn’t sure if someone was trying to pull my little kid legs but everyone seemed to pull for and believe in this Heavenly dude controlling everything so I played along…  You know I’m lying…  Growing up with my crazy mama, God was right there at the dinner table eating chicken and asking for seconds he was so real!

     So this dude, who had everybody in MY world praying to him and bowing to him and just completely scared of him, seemed to be running things.  Well, as a young and sentient child, I started to have a few problems with this widely proclaimed and widely accepted guardian of the matrix.  I remember the first time I really and truly thought to myself, ‘this matrix is a little wack!’ I’ve spoken to this before because of the depth of its truthfulness.  My mother and I were caught in my bedroom and surrounded by a spider.  Now my mom had instilled a few things in me besides God and one was the fear of spiders.  This spider was so big and so hideous and foreboding that I said to myself and to my mom, “Now WHY would God make something so ugly like that! YOU said HE created EVERYTHING! WHY would he create THAT!?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM!?!”  From that moment on, I’ve always kept a ‘side eye on God; brother is a suspect!

     Now I knew that night as I clenched my bed covers and begged the air not to let the spider crawl in my ear while I slept, because you know neither me nor my mama killed it!  I knew that night when I was asking God over and over again why he created the spider that he wasn’t listening.  I knew in my heart that one of my kid legs was definitely longer from being pulled with these God stories.  I knew this because even my kid brain told me that if there was an all loving God then he would probably and most likely not make something as ugly as a spider.

     I spent the following day trying to recover from the tortuous nocturnal thoughts of a spider attack and constantly giving God the ‘what-fors’ over his spider creation and of course getting no answer…  So, over the years my problems with this guardian of the matrix, or as some like to call him, God, grew.  Over the years I would come to ask, challenge, and basically confront God about Ethiopia and starvation, unfair births, deformities, family members, bullies, family members, wars, family members, and oh yeah, did I say family members…  Don’t get me started on the madhouse of a family he birthed and dropped me into.

     So as you question God’s decisions on where he “…fastened the foundations…” and “…where he laid the cornerstones…” you start a dialogue with the all-powerful himself.  If you start these conversations from the presence of a pure heart with pure intentions then you can eventually feel his answers.  Now God is not too big on actually speaking words, or at least not words I’ll tell you yet.  I’ve told you of the man who stood up in church and said, “God talked to me…”  in my ‘He Who God Talks To’ piece and if you’ll remember, everyone pulled their kids closer in fear…

     I will tell you that if you want to know what God has to say and if you want to be able to hear it then you’re going to have to make your thoughts clear and pure and completely selfless.  I don’t think there is one of you on this planet who can’t hear God but I think there are a lot of you who will not listen.  Let’s start with a simple exercise; I’m going to help you.  Okay, what shall I use as my teaching tool?  I KNOW!  Let’s use the person I knew as a kid in Minnesota, whom God has been screaming at, as a lesson plan. 

     Now this ‘person’ that I will use in this lesson lives in Minnesota and has lost all of her toes on one foot, had two strokes, one aneurism, AND can’t open one eye with ALL of these problems being the direct result of her crack usage!  Well maybe you have some vice which I hope is not as bad as crack but just pick some vice that you know you’re not supposed to do.  Now put that vice in front of you or if that’s too dangerous for your weak ass then just seriously think about doing it.  Now while it’s in front of you or you are seriously thinking about doing it; it’s then that you can hear that little whisper of a voice that is saying, ‘don’t do it’.  Guess who that is?  THAT’S GOD!  Now some of it saying ‘don’t do it’ is truly your good sense but in that Good sense there is GOD SENSE! 

     God actually told me, or I should say inspired me, with his smart mouth to write this piece.  I was just minding my business watching the movie ‘Conversations with God’ which I have tried to watch several times but have never been able to watch due to its boredom level being so high.  You can always tell when these New Age messengers run out of truth or newness and start spinning out of control with CRAP!  I can actually physically feel when they hit their brick walls of knowledge and start spewing garbage.  Even when I attempted to read the book ‘Conversations with God’, my garbage meter overloaded on the second or third page.  Sylvia Brown’s book, second chapter, GARBAGE METER!  Sylvia Brown go busted and publicly demoted a few years back when a child she said was dead showed up alive and being held hostage by a pizza delivery man!  I’m not like the guy in ‘Conversations with God’; I’m like Robert Duvall’s character in ‘The Apostle’; I might grab up on you and shake you a little, I’m passion personified.  This time though, while watching the movie ‘Conversations with God’, I put it on and let it play not expecting much while doing something else around the house when I heard the lead of the movie say when he was confronted by a heckler, “If what you’re asking me is, did I make all of this stuff up, the answer is no.  I’ve wondered what you wondering.  Will anyone believe me, believe what I’m saying… believe where this came from? I only hope that you don’t disqualify or marginalize the message because it’s coming through such a fallible messenger.”  These words and a question I’ve asked myself because believe me, the dark side knows to destroy the messenger BEFORE he gives the message and the dark side never takes a night off.  The dark side is so committed to destroying the message that it will try to destroy the message even when the message is a SEED!

     So as I’m loving what this man said and realizing that he may be a true messenger, I start to think about my own conversations with God and as usual he shows up cracking jokes.  We’ve become close over the decades, God and I.  He says, (I’m not going to tell you what he called me, you might question whether it was him; but I know his humor, it was him); so he says, “I wasn’t having conversations with YOU, you’ve been talking to yourself STUPID!”  He couldn’t even hide his laughter.  I really wish you would understand the level of this dudes comedy, he’s got some serious issues with jokes and practical ones are his favorite.  So after he stops laughing at making fun of me he exhales real heavy blowing out a few of my candles and then giggling a little more and then starts to leave as he turns to me and says, “Just write the story ‘Mister Pick AND Choose’”.  Then I try to mention my movie or book deal and he just laughs and says, “Slow your ROLL!”

By

Anthonystjoseph

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Spiritual Month III: Pick & Choose

 

PICK & CHOOSE

by

Anthonystjoseph

     I am amazed sometimes at how the Universe and its spiritual guides work…  I am dumbfounded, struck, and stuck in awe sometimes at the seemingly all encompassing spiritual matrix that we live in, or at least that I live in because the reality of life is that I can never be sure what world YOU live in.  I can only try to conceive the world that I am living in.  This evening I was directed by certain events to read Job 38 in the Bible and was shocked silly and stunned stupid with the fact that this Job 38 was apparently God talking directly to me.

     You see, I tend to have regular arguments with God as to how he is handling things down here on this planet called Earth, or more to the point, how He is NOT handling things down here on Earth.  Sometimes, to me, it seems that God is on a serious vacation or has just adopted a serious lack of empathy for our situation.  I have got to tell you again, since I have told him more than a million times, I really have some serious problems with the way he’s handling some of this mess we’re in.  God’s suppose to be omnipotent, right, all powerful, right, all knowing, right,…  Well GET ON IT!  We’re DROWNING HERE!

      So, you get the point, basically, it’s back and forth with me and God…  So I, like Job, who is the most famous pawn in mankind’s history, am faced with the struggle of events I am dealt.  And I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, God generally wins these arguments or he leaves the room…  It’s always the last word with him.  I’m usually screaming when he leaves, “GET BACK HERE!”  Hey, we go way back, God and I, he knows me; and I know HIM.

     Well, you know God rarely talks.  God is a man of few words; you know he’s the old ‘I AM’ sort of guy…  Well at least I thought he was a man of few words. 

      So after I get the huge hint from above this morning to go check out this certain Job Scripture I start to read Job 38 and I am shocked that God is finally talking!  I haven’t read every single part of the Bible nor have I read a lot of the Bible.  I tend to believe that God is in your heart and if there is only ONE BOOK that you can find God in then there is going to be a lot of the world left out and I just don’t think MY God is like that so I don’t think a ‘single’ BOOK is the way to GOD!  But there are some parts of the Bible and a lot of ‘other’ Holy Books that I really get off on.  So the truth is, I like to ‘pick and choose’ the stuff that rings true to MY heart.

     I happen to understand and comprehend the fact that most of the Bible was written by man and man alone.  I feel if you do want to feel the true God of whatever than you need to let it speak to your heart of truth.  I feel listening to the heart of good and the heart of truth will take you to God.  Again, for this reason, I haven’t read the whole Bible although I know most of the stories from church and Catholic School.  In my opinion, some of those fools in the Bible need to be put in check.  People like Leviticus really need to be put in check; when that guy is done throwing rocks at people there’s nobody left alive and standing but HIM, and I think he might even catch a rock or two. 

     I have always told this joke about how when I get to Heaven I put up my fists and say, “Okay, WHERE’S LEVITICUS!  Me and him about to go some rounds.”  The angels look at me funny and then they all laugh and say, “You didn’t think HE was here, did you?”

     So I start to read Job 38 and apparently Job has lodged a lot of the same complaints at God that I have. You know the ones, why this, why that, why this, why THAT…  It’s a very long list I and Job have for God as in, ‘what were you thinking?’  Well I pick up in Job 38 that God has heard OUR complaints and he is truly pissed off and having a real life celestial temper tantrum. 

     He starts off with, “Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge.”  Oh my, did you hear what God just said with THOSE words, he’s GOOD at it I’ll tell you THAT!  He basically just said, who is this numb skull talking out of the side of his ASS!?  I was like, ‘no he didn’t’… He was like, “YES I DID!”  You know he’s loud.  Then he went on to tell me and Job, “Prepare thyself like a man”, like he was getting ready to beat me down and calling me a punk.  I AM a man!  Told me things like, “…he’ll question me and I’ll answer”, “…shut up”, and so on…  Then he went on a tirade and told me “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?”  “Did I measure the Earth?”  Asking me things like “DID I fasten the foundations, DID I lay its cornerstone, DID I shut the sea in with doors, did I, did I, did I,…”  Geez, calm down dude, we’re giving you credit for all that, but what have you done for us lately?

     Then the Lord goes on to tell Job and I, he’s losing his breath he’s so angry and I can tell, so he pauses and says,  “And here your proud waves must STOP!”  Oh goody gum drops, I don’t really take too kindly to people telling me what to do so you know this is not going to work, telling me to STOP.  I don’t really let anyone tell me what to do ever… There was that redneck in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, who made me tinkle on myself a little but that’s a whole different story.  I didn’t know him like I know God.

     Although I am sure my proud waves will continue, I am going to read Job from beginning to end because I believe that Job and I are going to live on the same block in Heaven and hang out at the same clubs, because we both agree.  We are both proud men… 

     I guess I should just be thankful for all the laughs that God provides us with.  I think God is a comedian at heart.  I can see God on Judgment day when it’s my turn saying, “Oh goody gum drops, I have been waiting for this.  EVERYBODY SILENT!  It’s Mister Pick and Choose.  Hi Mister ‘Pick and Choose’.  I’m about to show you some ‘Pick and Choose’ alright.  I CHOOSE not to PICK YA!  Ha-ha that Mister Funny Man!”  Yeah, God got jokes.

By Anthonystjoseph

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“I’m a philosopher.  I’m not an evangelist… to say, ‘God did it,’ and then just leave it at that?  That’s to abandon the search before it’s even begun.”~ ’The River Why’

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Spiritual Month II: Arguing With God!

 

ARGUING WITH GOD!

By

Anthonystjoseph

     A friend just told me today that they ‘had’ to go to church this Sunday because they have missed the last two Sundays.  I replied, “Well I haven’t gone to church in around four Sundays because God and I are arguing right now.  She said, “What do you mean!?!”  I said, “Well the last time we talked, we, God and I, got into a serious argument and I feel it’s necessary that when you’re arguing with somebody you don’t go over to their house until all parties concerned have calmed down.”  I felt that the argument got to the point where we were both saying things that we didn’t mean.  He was saying things like, “Mary hold me back!  You better hold me back MARY!  I’m telling you to HOLD ME BACK!”  I was saying things like, “NO Mary!  Let him go!  I ain’t scared!  LET HIM GO!”  Then Jesus piped in with, “Tony!  Can’t you just keep your mouth shut just ONE TIME!”  I said, “HE STARTED IT!”

     These arguments between God and I go way back and have carried on from lifetime to lifetime.  I remember the time when he got so mad at me he screamed, “I’ll STRIKE YOU DOWN YOU LITTLE…!”  I yelled back, “THEN GO AHEAD AND STRIKE ME!  I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO HAVE ME!”  Apparently that last statement of mine is one that really gets his goat because believe it or not he then closed his eyes and said, “Serenity now, serenity now.”  He scares me the most when he gets that quiet tone that he’s known for and starts talking about serenity.

     I think his main problem is that he always has to WIN every single argument.  He thinks he knows everything, and if you have ever known someone who thinks they know everything then you know what I have to deal with.  Have you ever been in an argument with someone who has to win every single debate and has to have every SINGLE last word?  It can get to be so annoying.  I am constantly telling myself to just let him think what he wants and just shut up and that I know the truth, but I just can’t keep my mouth shut as Jesus would and does say. 

     The one thing he’s NOT going to do is apologize so I’m just going to give him some time to cool down and generally that doesn’t take long with him because he’s got so many other problem children aside from me to take care of that in that way I’m lucky.  When it comes to some of the other problem children I look like a saint.  That’s why he calls me Anthonystjoseph.  When he’s in a good mood and I haven’t pissed him off he often tells me how much he loves me and that Saint Anthony and Saint Joseph are proud of me since I was named after them.  We have lots of good times but the arguments just get carried away sometimes and he can be spiteful and vengeful and really ‘mess’ my days up when he’s mad but I go on and hold my head high knowing that I’m right and sometimes he’s not all right.  He then lets me know that he’s always right and I then say, “Sure you are” with my fingers crossed behind my back.  Once Jesus told on me and said, “His fingers are crossed dad.”  God yelled, “YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT!  I KNOW EVERYTHING!”

By

Anthonystjoseph

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Spiritual Month: 'What Does God Want?'

 

WHAT DOES GOD WANT?

by

Anthonystjoseph

     We all, or I should say a lot of us, constantly, and some only sometimes ask ourselves, ‘What does God want?’  It is an extremely valid question that anyone with any amount of common sense would ask themselves at least once living in this existence.  A lot of us as children were told that God was in charge of everything and God created everything.  So it made sense to me as a young person taught about God to ask myself and HIM, what did he want?  I was taught that God was a he.  With all of his angry outbursts that I have grown accustomed to I am starting to think that he might be a woman with menstrual cycles, but I digress. 

     So if God created everything, including us, and is in charge of everything, including us, then what does he want?  We start out as babies only concerned with what we want.  Then as our comprehension grows and the fear or love of God is instilled, beliefs can go either way involving fear or love; at a certain point when comprehension grows we usually start to concern ourselves with what God may want as well.  Any fool who has ever read any bible or had a grandmother like mine who had a concrete disposition to constantly remind one of the perils of Hell and damnation would and will most likely concern themselves with what God wants.

     This plagued me as a young child because I certainly always wanted to be a winner and I did not want to end up as one of the biggest losers of all time and end up in some burning pit of fire and flames with no rest from the constant heat and no ability to sleep and no food except for your own buggers to eat…  It just went on and on…  Forgive me, my grandmother was very descriptive.   So all throughout my life as a logically thinking man I have been planning my strategy for judgment day.  My intention in planning my strategy is of course to make sure that I don’t end up in the burning pit of unending flames with unending pain and no sleep.  Since the act of sleep and rest has always been a true love and passion of mine I decided a long time ago to have a strategy to make sure that me and my sleep didn’t part eternal ways.  

     My strategy for avoiding the unending fiery pits of hell has changed throughout the years but for the last ten to fifteen years it has been the same.  I was at some social political function and as usual solicited and encouraged a conversation on spirituality.  I have always been fascinated with the afterlife and what happens next because of my strong religious upbringing combined with an inner sense that there is more to this story and existence on Earth than anyone is telling.  It was also a quest to find the truth due to my grandmother’s power to instill fear of ‘bad living’.  I know there are a couple of examples of ‘bad living’ in that bible where you will see a picture of me as an example and the caption that says, ‘bad living:  don’t be like this fool’. 

     So in living this life of spontaneous moments of ‘bad living’ I would again, constantly seek out help for my legal case that I was clearly preparing for Judgment Day when my trial came up.  I already knew I was going to have to represent myself in this trial because no one else was going to risk their eternal soul on my behalf.  At one point in this life peppered with ‘bad living’ my own family said, “un-huh brother, that’s all you…”  So I know they aren’t going to testify for me.  My case has been prepared in full and I am pretty sure it will not even make it to trial.  It won’t go to trial because of what this learned individual told me at this political function.  He told me that there is a religion and faith in South America that believes as long as you make one person smile in your lifetime then you get to GO TO HEAVEN!  That’s it!  I’M IN!!!  Right at that moment and point in time I realized my plan.  On Judgment Day I am going to JUMP in the line with the people from South America who have that belief of ‘making one person smile’ getting you into heaven.  My plan and their rule system is certainly a lot easier to do then the Ten Commandments.  I’m not sure there isn’t one commandment I haven’t broke.  As far as killing is concerned, I use to have a BB gun when I was a little boy; no bird was safe!  Now the people from South America are going to be shorter than me because I am quite tall so on Judgment Day when I sneak in their line I am going to have to duck until I get through the gates.  It’s all comedy, it’s all comedy.

     It’s as babies that we are only concerned with what ‘we’ want; then it is as young adults and hopefully more intelligent beings that some of us try to figure out what God may want.  I believe the true growth point that we should try to evolve to is to have our wants in sync with what God wants.  If the God you believe in is the one I believe in then these wants are all filled with righteousness and love and that’s it.  Until God sits me down and personally tells me this and that, the only thing I can do is live my life righteously and try my best not to intentionally harm anyone.  As long as I don’t intentionally harm anyone I am pretty sure that if on Judgment Day my case does go to trial, I shall come out victorious and free of any burn marks and eating regular food.

     It’s all comedy, it’s all comedy.  Yeah, it’s all fun and games until somebody ends up on their deathbed begging for forgiveness.  Okay ya’ll, I’m going to bed ~ see you tomorrow!

by

Anthonystjoseph

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