MY CONVERSATIONS WITH
GOD
by
Anthonystjoseph
So I guess I should explain this ability
to converse with God since I have been letting you in on a few of the
discussions… I grew up without a father,
so my mother, who was a devout Catholic, always told me, “That’s just your
Earth Father, God is your father!” Hey, I know she could have caused damage
with this statement but I made it out okay.
So then when I went to school, which by the way was also Catholic, I was
again indoctrinated with the nuns teaching me the prayer of all prayers, “Our
Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed be thy name…” And then when we go to church, the priest
leads us in prayer, “Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed be thy name…” So as a child, I’m like, ‘Okay, I guess He’s
OUR father.’
Well since I didn’t have an ‘Earth’ father
around the house, I would find myself often thinking of this supposed and
alleged Heavenly Father who was all powerful and knowing as just ALL. I contemplated and I contemplated… I really wasn’t sure if someone was trying to
pull my little kid legs but everyone seemed to pull for and believe in this
Heavenly dude controlling everything so I played along… You know I’m lying… Growing up with my crazy mama, God was right
there at the dinner table eating chicken and asking for seconds he was so real!
So this dude, who had everybody in MY
world praying to him and bowing to him and just completely scared of him,
seemed to be running things. Well, as a
young and sentient child, I started to have a few problems with this widely
proclaimed and widely accepted guardian of the matrix. I remember the first time I really and truly
thought to myself, ‘this matrix is a little wack!’ I’ve spoken to this before
because of the depth of its truthfulness.
My mother and I were caught in my bedroom and surrounded by a
spider. Now my mom had instilled a few
things in me besides God and one was the fear of spiders. This spider was so big and so hideous and
foreboding that I said to myself and to my mom, “Now WHY would God make
something so ugly like that! YOU said HE created EVERYTHING! WHY would he
create THAT!?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM!?!”
From that moment on, I’ve always kept a ‘side eye on God; brother is a
suspect!
Now I knew that night as I clenched my bed
covers and begged the air not to let the spider crawl in my ear while I slept,
because you know neither me nor my mama killed it! I knew that night when I was asking God over
and over again why he created the spider that he wasn’t listening. I knew in my heart that one of my kid legs
was definitely longer from being pulled with these God stories. I knew this because even my kid brain told me
that if there was an all loving God then he would probably and most likely not
make something as ugly as a spider.
I spent the following day trying to recover
from the tortuous nocturnal thoughts of a spider attack and constantly giving
God the ‘what-fors’ over his spider
creation and of course getting no answer…
So, over the years my problems with this guardian of the matrix, or as
some like to call him, God, grew. Over
the years I would come to ask, challenge, and basically confront God about
Ethiopia and starvation, unfair births, deformities, family members, bullies,
family members, wars, family members, and oh yeah, did I say family
members… Don’t get me started on the
madhouse of a family he birthed and dropped me into.
So as you question God’s decisions on
where he “…fastened the foundations…” and “…where he laid the cornerstones…”
you start a dialogue with the all-powerful
himself. If you start these
conversations from the presence of a pure heart with pure intentions then you
can eventually feel his answers. Now God
is not too big on actually speaking words, or at least not words I’ll tell you
yet. I’ve told you of the man who stood
up in church and said, “God talked to me…”
in my ‘He Who God Talks To’ piece and if you’ll remember, everyone
pulled their kids closer in fear…
I will tell you that if you want to know
what God has to say and if you want to be able to hear it then you’re going to
have to make your thoughts clear and pure and completely selfless. I don’t think there is one of you on this
planet who can’t hear God but I think there are a lot of you who will not
listen. Let’s start with a simple
exercise; I’m going to help you. Okay,
what shall I use as my teaching tool? I
KNOW! Let’s use the person I knew as a
kid in Minnesota, whom God has been screaming at, as a lesson plan.
Now this ‘person’ that I will use in this
lesson lives in Minnesota and has lost all of her toes on one foot, had two
strokes, one aneurism, AND can’t open one eye with ALL of these problems being
the direct result of her crack usage!
Well maybe you have some vice which I hope is not as bad as crack but
just pick some vice that you know you’re not supposed to do. Now put that vice in front of you or if
that’s too dangerous for your weak ass then just seriously think about doing
it. Now while it’s in front of you or
you are seriously thinking about doing it; it’s then that you can hear that
little whisper of a voice that is saying, ‘don’t
do it’. Guess who that is? THAT’S GOD!
Now some of it saying ‘don’t do it’ is truly your good sense but in that Good
sense there is GOD SENSE!
God actually told me, or I should say
inspired me, with his smart mouth to write this piece. I was just minding my business watching the
movie ‘Conversations with God’ which I have tried to watch several times but
have never been able to watch due to its boredom level being so high. You can always tell when these New Age
messengers run out of truth or newness and start spinning out of control with
CRAP! I can actually physically feel
when they hit their brick walls of knowledge and start spewing garbage. Even when I attempted to read the book
‘Conversations with God’, my garbage meter overloaded on the second or third
page. Sylvia Brown’s book, second chapter,
GARBAGE METER! Sylvia Brown go busted
and publicly demoted a few years back when a child she said was dead showed up
alive and being held hostage by a pizza delivery man! I’m not like the guy in ‘Conversations with
God’; I’m like Robert Duvall’s character in ‘The Apostle’; I might grab up on
you and shake you a little, I’m passion personified. This time though, while watching the movie
‘Conversations with God’, I put it on and let it play not expecting much while
doing something else around the house when I heard the lead of the movie say
when he was confronted by a heckler, “If
what you’re asking me is, did I make all of this stuff up, the answer is
no. I’ve wondered what you
wondering. Will anyone believe me,
believe what I’m saying… believe where this came from? I only hope that you
don’t disqualify or marginalize the message because it’s coming through such a
fallible messenger.” These words and
a question I’ve asked myself because believe me, the dark side knows to destroy
the messenger BEFORE he gives the message and the dark side never takes a night
off. The dark side is so committed to
destroying the message that it will try to destroy the message even when the
message is a SEED!
So as I’m loving what this man said and
realizing that he may be a true messenger, I start to think about my own
conversations with God and as usual he shows up cracking jokes. We’ve become close over the decades, God and
I. He says, (I’m not going to tell you
what he called me, you might question whether it was him; but I know his humor,
it was him); so he says, “I wasn’t having conversations with YOU, you’ve been
talking to yourself STUPID!” He couldn’t
even hide his laughter. I really wish
you would understand the level of this dudes comedy, he’s got some serious
issues with jokes and practical ones are his favorite. So after he stops laughing at making fun of
me he exhales real heavy blowing out a few of my candles and then giggling a
little more and then starts to leave as he turns to me and says, “Just write
the story ‘Mister Pick AND Choose’”.
Then I try to mention my movie or book deal and he just laughs and says,
“Slow your ROLL!”
By
Anthonystjoseph
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