Rocky's N.D.E. (Near Death Experience)

 

ROCKY’S N.D.E.

(Near Death Experience)

by

Anthonystjoseph

Although Rocky seems happy to be alive there is something definitely different about him since his fight with Sabrina and his brush with death. 

“Rocky, are you okay?  I mean something seems different about you since I brought you home from the vet’s office.”

“I’m fine Brad.  Rocky just looks at life a little different now days.”

“What’s so different Rocky?  You’re alive; I mean, you walked by that hairless poodle at the dog park the other day and didn’t even make a move for it.  I don’t understand what’s going on with you.  What is going on Rocky?”

“Okay Brad, you have to promise me you won’t tell a soul what I’m about to tell you.  Rocky will lose all his street cred if you do.”

“You know I won’t tell Rocky.  What is it?”

“Well, after the fight with Sabrina; you know Rocky’s heart stopped beating, right?”

“Yeah Rocky, I know that.”

“Well Rocky saw a bright light.  And then there was this tunnel.”

“Oh Lord!”

“Shut up Brad!  I’m trying to tell you what happened.  I didn’t go into the light or the tunnel at first because I saw you balling your eyes out begging for me to live!  That’s how I knew what was happening!  Rocky was crossing over to the other side.”

“I wasn’t balling!”

“Oh please dude!  You were balling like a crack baby with no CRACK!  Shut up and let me tell you what happened.”

“Okay Rocky, I was crying.”

“Because you love me!  Anyway, I was hovering above in the sky and I saw you running and carrying me into the vet’s office.  That’s when I saw my grandmother in the light telling me to come to her and she had something to tell me.”

“Your grandmother.”

“YES, my grandmother STUPID!  She died a while back when she got hit by that ice cream truck.”

“How do you know she got hit by an ice cream truck?”

“Because she told me BRAD!  Do you want to hear this story or what?”

“Okay, I’m sorry, go ahead Rocky.”

“So anyway, I go into the tunnel and there are a bunch of other Rottweiler dogs there and they all are saying they love me and then there’s this big standard poodle there just glaring at me.  He was even bigger than Rocky!”

“A Standard Poodle?  Aren’t they the big poodles that are as big as German Shepherds?”

“You got it Einstein.  So the big poodle is staring at me and so I asked him, ‘What’s up dude? You want some of Rocky?  Because we can do this right here, right now?’”

“You started a fight in Heaven ROCKY!?!”

“You know how Rocky rolls, the brother was staring me down!  So anyway, he just glared some more and then my grandmother jumps on me.  ‘ROCKY’, she says, ‘you are not ready to come here.  This poodle here is your great-great-great-great-grandfather Jedidiah.  He is ashamed of your behavior on earth to his fellow poodles.’”

Brad starts laughing and then his laughter becomes uncontrollable.

“You mean the big proud Rocky has poodle blood in him, and after all your feelings about poodles!”

Rocky just looks at Brad with a straight face as Brad starts to laugh harder and harder and then crumples over onto the couch holding his stomach from the pain of the laughter and then tears start to come out of Brad’s eyes he’s laughing so hard.

“So this is really funny to you, huh Brad?”

Brad cannot answer from laughing so hard so he just nods his head yeah through the laughter.

“Listen CLOWN!  Two things; one, you will never tell ANYONE about this and two, you keep on laughing I’m going to forget my godly promises and have some poodle soup with BRAD MEAT!  Forgive me Jedidiah.”

Brad tries his best to stop laughing but can’t.  He just barely calms it down a little to speak.

“I’m sorry Rocky, but I just know how you feel about poodles and this is FUNNY beyond words!”

“Funny to you!”

“Oh Rocky, that was too much.  So then what happened?”

“Well they all said that I had disgraced the family with my treatment towards poodles and a certain jogger named Ham Bone that I refused to acknowledge.  They told me it did no good to lie in my situation.”

“Duh.”

“Keep on Brad.  Just keep on.”

“So then what happened?”

“Well, they said that I was coming back down here because a certain ‘cry baby’ and his ‘prayers’.”

“Whatever Rocky!”

“A certain ‘cry baby’ and his ‘prayers’ proved that I was loved and a good person but I better improve my poodle eating ways or I was not going to be seeing them the next time I crossed over.  They said where I was going would not require any Winter coats whatsoever if you get my drift.”

“REALLY!?!”

“Really.  They threatened me with the big heated underground.  That jogger Ham Bone was screaming something about ‘send him there now’.  The Standard Poodle Jedidiah said that I deserved another chance as he himself had tasted a lot of Dachshund soup in his days and he managed to change his ways.  So Rocky was sent back and told to mend his ways.”

“Wow Rocky, that is an incredible story.”

“You’re telling me…  I mean, I knew you loved me, but all that crying!  What a wuss!”

“Whatever Rocky!”

“You love me.”

By

Anthonystjoseph

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