My Aluminum Hat

MY ALUMINUM HAT

by

Anthonystjoseph
 

      I hate it when I meet someone on an airplane and we make a date and then when the plane lands and airport security gives me my aluminum hat back, they act like they don’t know me…  Makes me sad.  I am still going to start a group for all my peers and associates who are in the know and realize that an aluminum hat is essential for our survival as a species.  The takeover by the intruders is inevitable and almost completely unstoppable.  The only form of protection we have is the ‘aluminum hat’ which has been disparaged, maligned, and laughed at by all who haven’t experienced the serene calm and silence that an aluminum hat can provide…  I know you’re thinking that the silence is because everyone avoids me and my aluminum hat but you would be wrong.  The silence is the result of the aluminum preventing the noises of the grid from getting in to my head.

     I remember as a child when I fell asleep with the leftover aluminum from a popcorn tin on my leg and waking up and realizing the comfort and peace that my leg was feeling as if it was completely relaxed…  It made me ponder the wonderful qualities of aluminum right then and there.  As I got older and started sleeping with all the old popcorn tins I could muster and using Reynolds Wraps widest rolls of aluminum as sheets; I knew then, I had found a cure to all the humming and endless chatter of strange voices in my head.  Never again would I be caught dead without my protector and hero, aluminum.

     Two years after sleeping in the comfort of self designed aluminum sheets I saw the movie ‘Signs’ at the young influential age of twelve years old and realized that the aluminum hat was the only way to go.  I realized I could have my nightly serenity on a twenty-four-hour a day basis…  I have never been without my custom made aluminum hat since.

     Now as to the present dilemma of what to call my ‘aluminum hat’ group, I’m thinking of a few names such as:

·       ‘YEAH IT’S ALUMINUM, AND’

·       ‘I’m not wearing my aluminum hat right now because my therapist is testing a theory’

·       ‘I HAD my aluminum hat but that alien who just ran past you TOOK IT!’

·       ‘I’m not wearing my aluminum hat because they took it when they put me in this padded cell’

·       ‘What padded CELL’

·       ‘My aluminum hat is in my other car’

·       ‘You need to try ALUMINUM’

·       ‘Shirley Maclaine has one just like it’

·       ‘You better run for COVER!’

·       ‘THEY’RE HERE’

·       ‘GET YOUR OWN DAMN HAT’

·       ‘My aluminum has a second name, it’s b-o-l-o-n-e-Y’

·       ‘YOU BENT IT!’

     All in all, I wish I could help the world to heal and realize that ALUMINUM is our only protection and salvation in this harsh world of inevitable takeover.  As far as ‘aluminum’ is concerned, I’m starting with the ‘man in the mirror’.  If you have a suggestion for the name of my group of ‘aluminum hat’ wearers please submit it below ~ thank you in advance ~ may the ‘aluminum’ be with you.

By

Anthonystjoseph

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