MY CONVERSTIONS WITH
GOD
by
Anthonystjoseph
So I guess I
should explain this ability to converse with God since I have been letting you
in on a ‘few’ of the discussions… I grew
up without a father, so my mother, who was a devout Catholic, always told me,
“That’s just your Earth Father, God is your father.” Hey, I know she could have
caused damage with this statement but I made it out okay. So then when I go to school, which by the way
is also Catholic, I am again indoctrinated with the nuns teaching me the prayer
of all prayers, “Our Father, who art in Heaven…” And then when we go to church the priest
leads us in prayer, “Our Father, who art in Heaven…” So as a small child I’m like, ‘okay, I guess
he’s OUR Father’.
Well since I didn’t have an ‘earth’ father
around the house, I would often think of this supposed and alleged Heavenly
Father who was all powerful and all knowing and just ALL. I contemplated and I contemplated. I really wasn’t sure if someone was trying to
pull my little kid legs but everyone seemed to pull for and believe in this
heavenly dude controlling everything so I played along… You know I’m lying… Growing up with my crazy mama, God was right
there in the house sitting at the dinner table eating chicken and asking for
seconds he was so real.
So this dude, who had everybody in MY
world praying to him and bowing to him and just completely scared of him, seems
to be running things. Well as a young
and sentient child I started to have a few problems with this widely proclaimed
and widely accepted guardian of the matrix…
I remember the first time I really and truly thought to myself, ‘this
matrix is a little wack’… I’ve said it
before because it’s true… My mother and
I were caught in my bedroom and surrounded by a spider. Now my mom instilled a few things beside God in
me and one was the fear of spiders… This
spider was so hideous and foreboding that I said to myself and I said to my
mom, “Now WHY would God make something so ugly like that! YOU said he created EVERYTHING! WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?” From that moment on, I’ve always kept a ‘side
eye’ on God.
Now I knew that night as I clenched my bed
covers and begged the air not to let the spider crawl in my ear when I slept,
because you know neither me nor my mama killed it… I knew that night that when I was asking God
over and over again WHY he created that spider that he wasn’t listening… I knew in my heart that one of my kid legs
was definitely longer from being pulled with these God stories. I knew this because even my kid brain told me
that if there was a God then he would probably most likely NOT make something
as ugly as a spider.
I spent the following day trying to
recover from the tortuous nocturnal thoughts of a spider attack and constantly
giving God the ‘what-fors’ over this spider creation and of course getting no
answer… So over the years my problems
with this guardian of the matrix, or as you like to call him, God, grew. Over the years I would come to ask, challenge,
and basically confront God about Ethiopia, unfair births, deformities, family
members, bullies, family members, wars, family members, and oh yeah, did I say
family members… Don’t get me started on
the madhouse of a family he dropped me into.
So as you question God’s decisions on
‘where he fastened the foundations’ and ‘where he laid the cornerstones’ you
start a dialogue with the all powerful himself.
If you start these conversations from the presence of a pure heart with
pure intentions then you can eventually feel his answers… Now God is not too big on actually speaking
words, or at least not words I’ll tell you yet.
I’ve told you of the man who stood up in church and said, “God talked to
me” in my ‘He Who God Talks To’ piece and if you’ll remember, everyone pulled
their kids closer in fear…
I will tell you that if you want to know
what God has to say and if you want to be able to hear it then you’re going to
have to make your thoughts clear and pure and completely selfless. I don’t think there is one of you on this
planet who can’t hear God but I think there are a lot of you who will not
listen. Let’s start with a simple
exercise; I’m going to help you. Okay,
what shall I use as my teaching tool? I
KNOW! Let’s use the person I knew as a
kid in Minnesota, who God has been screaming AT, as a lesson plan.
Now this ‘person’ in Minnesota has lost
all her toes on one foot, had two strokes, one aneurism, AND can’t open one eye
with ALL these problems being the direct result of her crack usage… Well maybe you have some vice which I hope is
not as bad as crack but just pick some vice that you KNOW you’re NOT supposed
to do. Now put that vice in front of you
or if that’s too dangerous for your weak ass then just seriously think about
doing it. Now while it’s in front of you
or you’re seriously thinking about doing it; it’s then that you can hear that
little whisper of a voice that is saying, ‘don’t
do it’. Guess who that is? THAT’S GOD!
Now some of it saying ‘don’t do it’ is truly your good sense but in that
‘Good’ ‘sense’ there is ‘GOD’ ‘SENSE’.
God actually told me, or I should say
inspired me, with his smart mouth to write this piece. I was just minding my business watching the
movie ‘Conversations With God’ which I have tried to watch several times but
have never been able to watch due to its boredom level being so high! You can always tell when these New Age
messengers run out of truth or newness and start spinning out of control with
CRAP! I can actually physically feeI
when they hit their brick walls of knowledge and start spewing garbage. When I attempted to read the book
‘Conversations With God’, my garbage meter overloaded on the second or third
page… Sylvia Brown’s book, second
chapter, CRAP! Sylvia Brown got busted a
few years back when a child she said was dead showed up alive and being held
hostage years later. I’m not like the guy
in ‘Conversations With God’; I’m like Robert Duvall’s character in ‘The
Apostle’; I might grab up on you, I’m
passion personified. This time with the
movie ‘Conversations’ I put it on not expecting much and decided to do
something else around the house when I heard the lead of the movie say when he
was confronted by a heckler, “If what
you’re asking me is, did I make all of this stuff up, the answer is no. I’ve wondered what you’re wondering. Will anyone believe me, believe what I’m
saying… believe where this came from? I only hope that you don’t disqualify or
marginalize the message because it’s coming through such a fallible messenger.” These are words and a question I’ve asked
myself because believe me, the dark side knows to destroy the messenger BEFORE
he gives the message and the dark side never takes a night off. The dark side is so committed to destroying
the message that it will try to destroy the message even when it’s a SEED.
So as I’m loving what this man said and
realizing that he may be a true messenger, I start to think about my own
conversations with God and as usual he shows up cracking jokes… We’ve become close over the decades… He says, (I’m not going to tell you what he called
me, you might question whether it was him; but I know his humor, it was him),
so he says, “I wasn’t having conversations with YOU, you’ve been talking to
yourself STUPID!” He couldn’t even hide
his laughter. I really wish you would
understand the level of this dudes comedy, he’s got some serious issues with
jokes and practical ones are his favorites…
So after he stops laughing at making fun of me he exhales real heavy
blowing out a few of my candles and then giggling a little more and then leaves
as he turns and tells me, “Just write the piece Mister ‘Pick &
Choose’”. Then I try to mention my movie
deal or my book deal and he just laughs and says, “Slow your roll”.
By
Anthonystjoseph
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