I HATE WEAKNESS
(I Love You)
by
Anthonystjoseph
As a person whose personal goal is to
‘become’, I should never use the word ‘hate’.
In using the term ‘become’, I
am referring to the widely held belief that one can evolve into something more
spiritual and righteous than some choose, and a lot more than the horrible
creatures that walk around in the guise of the human body pretending to be nice. Some people just make you sit back and say to
yourself, ‘What kind of piece of shit human is this? And what kind of idiotic parents, or system,
let this person believe that they can operate this way.’ I and others like to refer to these children
of the universe as ‘other people’s kids’.
In not wanting to use the word hate, or more importantly becoming a
person who doesn’t use or feel the word, I find my greatest enemy to achieving
this task is weakness. I am not talking about my weakness, which is
arguably at stake here, in not being able to eliminate the word ‘hate’ or it’s
feeling from my being; I am talking about other folk’s weakness and the bile
that it almost draws from my innards when I see blatant, outrageous, pure,
cowardly, openly, and undeniable weakness.
I HATE IT!
I think this ‘extreme dislike’ I have for
weakness developed at a young age since I had to learn to be strong from almost
day one. I was both cursed and blessed,
since you just can’t get a blessing without a curse or a curse without a
blessing, with a single mother to raise me alone. My mother was always manifesting her
nature as frail or naïve and this constantly made people feel that they could
take advantage of her. As a young child
I would have to snap on my holster and deal with all sorts of people who
thought they were going to get over on my mama…
She just loved to see me whip out my holster and defend her so it
started to seem like she encouraged others to take advantage of her just so she
could see my dog and pony act. As little
Anthonystjoseph, I was known as a terror and still have posters of me up in
certain parts of the country that were privileged to some incident where
someone tried to take advantage of my mother.
The Audi dealership in Scottsdale, Arizona, is still paying for that
service writer’s therapy after he tried to bilk my mother for her savings to
repair that old Audi. I remember him
babbling when we left, “That kid is an asshole!
Did you hear what he said to me?” Yeah, maybe so… But he didn’t rip off my mama without hearing
from me and my verbal holster. My mother
was never prouder than to see her little son defending her against the so
called ‘stronger’ of the world.
After dealing with various people and
neighbors constantly trying to take advantage of my mother and walk over her ‘supposed’ niceness, I would turn my
disenchantment to her. How could she let
someone blatantly lie to her and take advantage of her? I became angrier and angrier at these incidents as time went
by. At the age of twelve years old I had
to call her at work at the airport and have her take the call at the ticket
counter while I lost my mind on the phone explaining that I was going over to
the neighbor’s house and demand her bedroom television back. My mother, in her ‘niceness’ and need to be loved; which we all have, loaned her
bedroom television to the neighbor because their television needed to be
repaired. This is completely acceptable
and very neighborly and something I did not have a problem with. What I did have a problem with was the fact
that I was walking along on the top of my brick backyard fence as young boys do
and saw my mother’s bedroom television in the neighbor’s ten year old son’s bedroom
while he was sleeping to cartoons. They
had the old living room television repaired and then got another one for the
parent’s bedroom and then put my MOTHER’S TELEVISION in little SAMMY’s room. Oh hell NO!
My mother loved to go to sleep on her television and had never slept
without one on and they don’t feel the need to return HER television but decide
to put it in their KIDS room. WHERE’S MY
HOLSTER! Thirty minutes later I was
carrying that television out of their house while I huffed and I puffed. I could not believe that my mother let these
people just take advantage of her ‘kindness’. Kindness is mistaken for weakness for a
reason. When you let someone abuse your
kindness then you have approached and landed in the land of weakness.
The reason this topic is coming up now is
due to an extreme display of weakness on a man’s part that I happened to personally
witness and be subjected to in my adult life.
This man was a client of mine who negotiated a roof replacement and
apparently entered the negotiations without informing me that he was borrowing
his wife’s pants to do the negotiations.
There I was standing in the Chipotle line waiting on my evening chicken
bowl when I got a call from this Casper Milk Toast of a husband who was calling
me at his wife’s request. She was now home. I had had dealings with the husband for three
weeks at that point and everything had been wonderful. At the time of the Chipotle call I had just
left his house and counseled and ministered with him for over an hour because
he had just quit his job. Earlier his
wife had upset him and apparently yelled at him on the phone after he told her he
quit because she said jobs weren’t hard to come by these days; fair enough. The husband and I had talked about everything
happening for a reason and how something good was going to come out of it and
all the good things you say to someone who is facing times of upheaval and
change. We had parted with a man hug.
So, as I stand in the Chipotle line and ponder
whether I am going to have sour cream on my chicken bowl, my phone rings, and its
Casper, the husband, who is speaking words in regards to the roofing project
that I can hear his wife in the background telling him to say to me over the
phone. Not only does his weakness allow
him to be subjected to this woman who is raging because he made a choice to
quit HIS job but this same weakness doesn’t allow him to correct her or tell
her decisions HE made. He finally tucks
his balls in his pocket and hands her, the boss, the phone. She then proceeds to take her misplaced
anger, at him quitting his job, out on me.
I politely say to her, while I wish I could grab this woman by the neck,
that I don’t understand her frustration; by the way, the insurance company is
paying for the storm damaged roof to be replaced, not them. She proceeds to tell me that the shingles were
delivered a day late and no one called her.
We had had rain and the threat of snow for a week, so a delay of one day
for a shingle delivery was sometimes expected and explained. My company was a stellar company. Due to the hail storm that had attacked
Colorado there were several storm chasing companies there that left people
without a roof for months after going under contract for a new roof. She was lucky our company was doing her
roof. I would have gladly canceled her
contract two days prior if I had known she was the monster that she had revealed
herself to be. Also, I would never have
allowed her husband to do the business end if I had known that she wore the
pants and had a holster with his name on the bullets marked for humiliation and
fun. The man I talked too earlier in the
home that day was not the weak nut-less pansy I listened to while he dribbled
into the phone as she berated him in the background. Why would you be married to someone who is into
humiliating and defaming your choices and your abilities to make choices? Because of weakness, that’s why.
The first person that I ever fell in love
with was a woman named Tammy who would cut your fingers off (true story) for
doing her wrong and would want to blow your brains out for messing over her
people; I was one of her people. She was
pure strength. I loved her and her
strength. You might say that she sounds
like the horrible wife previously mentioned but you would be wrong. Tammy was a sweet person who was sweet to you
until you wronged her or took her kindness for weakness. The horrible ball breaking wife character I
was dealing with here was displaying weakness in not accepting that she was
angry at her husband over him quitting his job and decided to ‘act’ like she
was mad at me and my company for not delivering shingles on time when everyone
knows it rained that week. It is
weakness that causes most of the problems in our world in my opinion. Weakness allows perverts, criminals,
sociopaths, drug addicts, etc… to do the various acts against mankind that they
do and weakness that allows us to let them get away with it. It is weakness that enables us to let bullies
take advantage of us and decide to not cause a scene and just say, “Karma will
get them.”
Well my middle name is Karma and I will
cause a scene, stand strong with strength, and deal with you right then with my
verbal holsters cocked and ready. I got
to the bank the other day five minutes before they opened and the doors weren’t
unlocked yet. I stand there and converse
with an elderly gentleman and another guy while we wait on the bank to
open. After a while a young woman walks
up and says to the elderly gentleman and me, “They’re not open yet.” “Nope”, we responded. Then the teller comes to open the door to the
bank and the young woman breezes right past the three of us who have been
waiting. GET MY KIDS HOME. GET MY KIDS HOME! I cannot believe she is going to do this… Maybe she’s going to the loan department or
something. I watched, jaw dropped, as
she walked right up to the teller line and proceeded to totally discount myself
and the other gentlemen’s presence…
Where’s my holster.
I let her have it! I proceeded to tell her in front of the whole
entire bank, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GOING TO DO THAT!” To which she replied, “Well, you guys let me
walk in the door first.” Serenity now,
serenity now... I had waited and let the
elderly gentlemen walk in before me because he was old. The teller who opened the door later
described the girl’s entrance, as we discussed the incident later, as a ‘whoosh’
that came through the door. I then
informed the self entitled woman from hell in front of everyone at the bank
that she was an “asshole!” I noticed as
she was leaving that she was carrying the biography of POPE JOHN PAUL! She needed to ‘be’ the book and not ‘read’ the
book!
So I hate weak people who can’t stand up
for themselves and I hate weak people who let people walk all over them and I
hate weak people who let their basic human needs and wants disregard others and
I hate the fact that I let weak people get to me and I hate that I still can’t
get past the feeling of hate! DON’T SAY
IT!
So how do I hate weakness which is a trait
of humans who I claim to love as much as I love life and just being? How do I love the weakness in others when at
times every single person can and will display this weakness? The answer is easy. I love humans and all humans are weak,
therefore I love weak humans. I think at
this point, I must say that it is weakness that makes humans so lovable. It is weakness that makes us pine for lost love
and write a beautiful song. It is
weakness and longing for a lost memory that help us to paint beautiful memories
from our past. It is weakness that helps
humans to love someone almost unconditionally and commit extreme acts of
unselfishness. It is weakness that
sometimes helps humans to reveal their hearts and deepest feelings. It is weakness that lets human passion get the
best of them and reveal the sincerest forms of human expression and emotion. It is weakness that is the most lovable
quality of humans. I think I love
weakness now that I think about it. Who
am I, you ask? I am a visitor.
By
Anthonystjoseph
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