The World Of Tennis

THE WORLD OF TENNIS

By

Anthonystjoseph

     My fascination with the game of tennis actually started a long time after my initial introduction and relationship with the game began.  I received my varsity letter in tennis as well as a couple of harsh lessons from my father in the sport itself.  I went through all this never even caring about the game in the least.  I didn’t come to enjoy the game of tennis until I started watching a young girl named Venus Williams, who was African American like myself, start playing on the professional tour competing in the big events on television.  She was young and eager and full of life, hope, and ability.  It was explained that Venus had a younger sister named Serena that was going to start playing in the tournaments as well but was too young at that time to play professionally.  Venus and Serena were just so endearing with their big smiles, big hopes, big dreams, and big serves.  Whenever I watched a match I would just hope that I would see my girls with the white beads in their hair on one side of the court because that meant that it was going to be fun.

     I have watched since the beginning of their wonderful and rewarding careers.  I have watched as Venus sat in the stands and had to go through the ‘life moment’ of watching her younger sister win a Grand Slam before she did and had to ponder what that had to mean to Venus.  I sat through the wonderful Wimbledon matches and witnessed the glory and joy of Venus finally winning her own Grand Slam Championship.  I watched as Richard Williams jumped for joy that his daughter Venus had joined her younger sister Serena in becoming a recognized champion.  These amongst many others were such wonderful moments to be a witness to.  It has been an emotional ride for those of us who have ridden the wonderful rollercoaster called the Williams Sisters.  I’m not sure if it was the twelve pack of Bud Light that generally accompanied my watching of their matches or true emotion but I even cried when Serena beat Venus at Wimbledon a few years later and almost wanted to whip up on Serena myself for doing IT!  It tore me apart when the camera was on Venus and her index finger just slowly scrolled down her cheek as she looked stunned.  I’m sure it was at least a little from the beer; I was usually knee deep in a twelve-pack by the end of the match.  I was young…

     One of the joys of having watched the Williams sisters come up was how much honor, pride, character, and family loyalty that they showed through all the madness that sometimes surrounded them.  There are stories out there that the predominantly ‘white’ game of tennis didn’t really take to the Williams sisters hitting the field with their level of success and attitude.  I loved the attitude and enjoyed the success.  In the beginning I have read that they would even be taunted with such juvenile acts like dirty underwear being left in their lockers and all sorts of silly and immature pranks.  Serena’s dog was even found suspiciously drowned in a pool one day.  Three such events that happened to them will always speak loudly in the history books as far as I’m concerned.

     The first occurred at The Indian Wells tennis tournament which has surprisingly changed their name since the event happened.  Venus had to pull out of the tournament due to injury and this apparently angered the largely Caucasian crowd, or I should say mob, at Indian Wells and they decided to take it out on Serena during her match.  It was embarrassing as a fellow human being to watch the way the crowd treated this young woman playing tennis who was just a child herself.  It was a complete testament to how a mob mentality can become completely devoid of intelligent behavior.  Richard Williams has said, which I believe, that he was even called the ‘N’ word in the stands during the match.  The Williams sisters vowed never to play at Indian Wells again and have not to this very day, a decision which I support.  Overall, I was impressed at how maturely Serena handled the situation and was mostly impressed that she went on to win the match despite the crowds venom hurled in her and her father’s direction.

     The second event occurred at the French Open where this manly girl thing named Justine Henin out and out CHEATED!  I publicly called for a tar and feathering of her back then when she did it but my voice went unheard, go figure.  Tennis is a game of manners and honor as there are only two people and four eyes playing sometimes so you have to be honorable in what YOUR EYES see on your side of the court sometime.  For example, if you’re on the court with just one other person in the morning playing tennis and the ball is close to the line on the other side of the net your opponent has to be the umpire on YOUR SHOT and vice versa, so you have to use the honor system.  This honor system migrates through the whole game and is expected in all fairness and all levels.  It is expected so much that it is almost unbelievable when the honor system or code is broken.  That is why when someone holds up their hand to say they aren’t ready for a serve, you do it over and wait for your opponent to be ready.  You want and have a desire for the results to be fair and ACCURATE.  So when Serena went to serve and Justine Henin put up her hand to say she wasn’t ready, Serena went to do the serve over.  Serena felt the need to clarify that it was a do over, i.e. first serve, and sure enough the chair umpire hadn’t seen Justine Henin’s hand up saying she wasn’t ready.  The chair umpire turned to Justine ‘NO HAND’ Henin and she denied holding up her hand and had a sudden DUMMY ATTACK on what was going on.  It was such a breach of game etiquette that it threw Serena off who was still mastering the art of playing tennis on clay that she didn’t win the match which she should have.  Justine ‘NO HAND’ Henin went on to win the tournament and several others with a defeat that should have an asterisk in the record books as in *CHEATED!  Justine ‘NO HAND’ Henin has since retired early from the game of tennis and has disappeared off the scene.  I actually think that the mustache and beard she was growing from those herbal drinks got her forced out of the game but that’s just my opinion.  I think they caught her and told her to leave quietly because she had too many wins to make it public but again that’s just my opinion.

     The third thing happened at the US Open.  Serena Williams was actually penalized a point which was MATCH POINT because of something she said to a linesman.  They got her for un-sportsman ‘like’ conduct.  It was all over a foot fault called at a crucial time in the game.  The reason Serena showed anger and got upset is because a foot fault at that stage in a match is almost unheard of.  It was clearly a biased call.  It is extremely annoying and unsettling to me because during the rain delay of this match, they showed a ‘classic’ match with the beloved ‘Jimmy Connors’ who rudely, boldly, caustically, loudly, and angrily told a chair umpire OFF for about a whole minute where you could clearly hear what he was saying and he wasn’t PENALIZED!  NOT AT MATCH POINT!

     So these authorities, umpires, and one little old line person took the match from Serena while she was on the SIDELINES!  I was through with televised tennis and would not watch it again for months out of anger.  I could not endure another moment of Martina Navratilova saying how appalling it was for Richard Williams to dance on top of the box at Wimbledon because his daughter who grew up in Compton won her first Grand Slam Tennis Tournament.  I could not watch as another snooty self privileged self entitled girl thinks that she can commit a dishonorable act just because she feels she deserves to win.  I am so proud of the Williams Sisters and what they have accomplished and the enjoyment they have given me. 

By

Anthonystjoseph

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P.S.  They asked Serena in the press conference afterwards if she had any regrets about losing her temper.  If I was her I would have told them that I had over fifty million dollars in the bank and I don’t have to regret anything that happens on that court.  That’s over fifty million reasons NOT to have any regret!

Public Notice!

PUBLIC NOTICE!

by

Anthonystjoseph

     On this occasion I had been sent to a town called Ward in the state of Colorado.  I was told that my client’s home was hard to find so I could go to the post office and she would meet me there if I had trouble finding her home.  I drove through the mountains for an hour and arrived in the town called Ward.  It looked like something from a Clint Eastwood movie.  The town was only about three blocks long and comprised of all steep hills with houses very close to each other.  I stopped at the general store and parked to ask directions not wanting my client to know that I was unable to find her home.

     In parking my car as I looked out the passenger side window I saw an outhouse with a sign posted on it.  It was a supposed public notice that had been put up to warn.  Well I had never been to Ward, Colorado so I figured I better READ UP!  It read as follows:  saying things like 'if you're not prepared to kill your neighbor' on line fourteen:

      I sat there in awe reading this letter and wondering about the person’s psyche who wrote it.  I assumed it was an old man who escaped to this small town to avoid the ‘voices’.  I found out later it was a young man of about thirty years of age.  Can you say UNABOMBER!  J  Surely I jest…

     I then went into the grocery store and the store clerk, a barefooted woman in a flowing skirt walked from the back smelling of incense and wearing crystals but still not that friendly.  She had no idea where the street was I was looking for because as I was soon to find out the street didn’t really exist, well at least it didn’t exist at that time of the year.  My client’s street, as she later informed me, actually closes down during the winter months.

     The store clerk decided not to cast a spell on me and pointed me towards the post office which was on the opposite hill from where I was standing at the same height.  I drove the block to get there and asked a man getting into his car did he know where Crank Street was.  He said, “Yeah, who you looking for?”  I said my clients name and he abruptly said, “No one lives on that street with that name.” Then he jumped in his car and sped off.  Uh-oh…  I walked into the post office and saw a list of registered voters posted in the foyer and there was my clients name with the same street address.  That was strange – welcome to Ward.

     The post office clerk or post mistress, as she is called, was warm and friendly.  Very different than the woman I saw walking through town with a huge backpack carrying a baby or a doll in her arms, I wasn’t sure, I was sure she thought it was a baby though.  There was also the two gentlemen, which I thought for a moment were young confederate soldiers, driving a midnight blue Riviera who sent a slight chill through my spine the way they looked at me like I was prey…  Getting back to the post mistress…  She was very friendly and receptive and told me my client had informed her I was coming and she would call her.

     I couldn’t resist the opportunity to bring up the ‘PUBLIC NOTICE’ posted on the outhouse!  The Post Mistress asked what I thought and I politely said that I thought it was very eccentric and I would love to meet the author explaining that he seemed very passionate about his beliefs.  All the while people kept coming in and getting their mail.  Maybe they knew I was there but it was sure busy.  All of a sudden the Post Mistress clamed up at my questions and told me I should ask HOWARD if I wanted to know more about him.  I felt as though I had offended her or something.  I apologized and she got my client on the phone.

     I then drove back out of town about two blocks to meet my client on the highway and we would have to WALK to her home about ‘two and a half football fields’ as she put it, ‘UP THE MOUNTAIN’!

     My client was an extremely friendly woman of about sixty with a roaming dog in tow.  She wanted me to leave my car on the highway to which I wasn’t comfortable with due to the fact that the confederate soldiers in the  Blue Riviera saw me.  I could drive it up about fifty yards and then we would have to walk the rest of the way she told me, I said, “Okay”.  My first attempt up the fifty yards was a total failure.  I got stuck in the slush and ice and started sliding down the hill backwards.  Uh OH!  I still couldn’t leave my car for the confederate soldiers to dismantle so I made another attempt and was successful.  Thank God.

     Then she said we had to walk the next two hundred yards.  I gathered all my presentation materials and gave her a bag as well.  She obliged.  I then proceeded up rough terrain that reminded me of my old Army days.  We came to a wooden house, and I’m being very liberal calling it a house, that was basically just boards nailed together with no electricity or running water.  My presentation is four hours so at one point during this presentation I had to use the restroom.  She pointed me towards the restroom.  THE TREE IN THE BACK!  I do hope that was the dog’s poop I was looking at.  Something tells me it was her poop.  She did tell me it was ‘the’ toilet.

     She had a horse and a parrot to keep the dog company.  The parrot, as she explained to me, was neurotic, so it had pulled out all its feathers a while back.  Later that day it thought my finger was a feather and went after it!  No stitches but it did break the skin.  An hour into the presentation I needed something else from the car – NO!  YES!  I had to make the trek back to the car so we made it together.  The horse came up behind me and nudged me from the back – I guess the mane of hair I have led him to believe I was another horse or something…  Thank God he didn’t try to mount me.  He did scare the heck out of me though because she was in front of me and I had forgotten about him on this isolated mountain.  Flashes of the confederate soldiers went through my mind.

     She informed me during our visit that the town had had a town meeting to go after the Post Mistress because of the ‘PUBLIC NOTICE’!  Apparently it was originally posted at the post office but the Post Mistress had it removed.  So the whole town of potential una-bombers had accused her of censorship.  Hence the clam up I had received from her after all my questions regarding the notice.  She probably thought I was an attorney or something for Howard Drew Brittain considering I was wearing a suit and tie and an outsider.  The man who denied that my client lived on her street was the police commissioner it turned out, and thought I was someone from the public defender’s office regarding one of my clients ‘cases’.  Apparently my client has a little problem with the justice system herself.  So in fact, I hadn’t offended the Post Mistress, I had just gotten involved in one of her battles.  According to my client, the town meeting was pretty intense and she was the villain in the piece.

     The presentation was over and my client was happy, so I gathered my things.  I proceeded down the mountain and made it a lot quicker due to the fact that I fell down half the mountain and slid through horse shit, dog shit, snow, and ice…  And I’m sure some of her human feces was in the mountain slide recipe somewhere as well that painted and ruined my Oscar De La Renta SUIT!  Even though I looked like Katherine Hepburn after falling in the river in the movie, ‘African Queen’, I got up and acted like it didn’t even happen.  I’m sure it was the medical condition referred to as shock. I drove home thanking God for the wonderful job that was revealing more of his wonderful interesting world and took a long HOT SHOWER!

By

Anthonystjoseph

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I Live In The Future

 

I LIVE IN THE FUTURE

by

Anthonystjoseph

     Recently I got home from about a year of being on the road.  After many hours of driving on the road, I relaxed to try and wind down and get some rest.  I turn on the Sci-Fi channel which happens to be one of my favorites.  They have changed their logo from Sci-Fi to SyFy in some goofy and curly font.  I couldn’t be more offended.  You see, I take my science fiction very serious and for them to have such a silly looking flagship of a logo for a subject that is very serious is sort of debasing the idea of science fiction.  I guess this is where I should inform you that I live in the future.

     I will explain.  I think this is where you just said, ‘Please do.’  See, I was just in the future…  There are those people in the pre ‘round world’ of Christopher Columbus who adamantly said and constantly voiced that the world was flat.  You could not dissuade them and their prehistoric thinking.  Some of them died believing the world was flat, in fact, most of them.  A human like Christopher Columbus actually looks at his surroundings and observes with an open mind, open heart, and open eyes.  All you have to do is stand on the beach and look at the ocean in its entirety one time and you can see that the earth is round.  Look at the moon at night or the sun during the day and you can see it as long as your heart, mind, and eyeballs are open.  Mankind thankfully has enough of us with our selves open that we progress us all as a whole.  If it weren’t for the writer, or the scientist, or the artist, we would all still be dragging the ‘long hairs’ around the cave grunting at each other.  And I am proud to say that the writer, being the most important, is the one who had to turn your grunts into words so you could say, “I’m cold” to the scientist.  And he could say, “I got an idea!”  There by warming your ass up.  Then the writer had to write down the formula for the heat, i.e. how to operate, so your sons could continue giving warmth to the ‘long hair’ so she would stop complaining about how her kids are cold too.   

     It is the artist who first imagined that we would fly.  It is the scientist who decided that we could fly.  It is the artist who first planted seeds of us landing on the moon.  It is the scientist who took us there.  Well, those scientist are constantly at it and those artist are constantly dreaming and painting and I tend to prefer the artist who can stand on the edge of the beach and look at the ocean and say, “Oh yeah, that’s round.”  In the creative nature of science fiction there are movies and books of potential ‘round world’ theories that you see or read and just have to know that it is possible and most likely probable.  I could watch a movie about us landing on Mars thirty years ago and believe that we would land on Mars.  Some people actually didn’t believe.  I can watch a movie about us traveling out of this galaxy and setting up a colony on another planet and say to myself, “Well there goes are modern day Christopher Columbus.”  He would be leaving never to return in some people’s minds just like they thought the original Christopher Columbus was leaving to fall off the edge of the earth.  Well guess what? 

     When Christopher Columbus got there…  When he got there…  THERE WERE ALREADY PEOPLE THERE!  Open your eyes to what is out there.  We have one Sun that supports nine planets.  Out of only NINE planets we are here; LIFE!  That’s just ONE sun and the power of what it can do.  Now how many stars are there?  If you can accept that the Sun is a star than you can realize that every single star in the sky is ONE of our suns and is capable of supporting LIFE.  We are not alone, people.   And if you’re too religious and into the word to believe it, let me as an artist, writer, and scientist try to help you.  If GOD made this world in SEVEN days then what do you think he has been doing since then.  TAKING A VACATION! 

     So on this subject of ‘we are not alone’ you can either die thinking the world is flat and live in the past, or you can live with the knowledge that we are not alone and live in the future where we will know that we are not ALONE.  I prefer to live in the future where the understanding is better.  And oh yeah!  You should see their furniture.

By

Anthonystjoseph
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Arguing With God

 

 

ARGUING WITH GOD!

By

Anthonystjoseph

     A friend just told me today that she ‘had’ to go to church this Sunday because she had missed the last two Sundays.  I replied, “Well I haven’t gone to church in around four Sundays because God and I are arguing right now.  She said, “What do you mean!?!”  I said, “Well the last time we talked, we, God and I, got into a serious argument and I feel it’s necessary that when you’re arguing with somebody you don’t go over to their house until all parties concerned have calmed down.”  I felt that the argument got to the point where we were both saying things that we didn’t mean.  He was saying things like, “Mary hold me back!  You better hold me back MARY!  I’m telling you to HOLD ME BACK!”  I was saying things like, “NO Mary!  Let him go!  I ain’t scared!  LET HIM GO!”  Then Jesus piped in with, “Tony!  Can’t you just keep your mouth shut just ONE TIME!”  I said, “HE STARTED IT!”

     These arguments between God and I go way back and have carried on from lifetime to lifetime.  I remember the time when he got so mad at me he screamed, “I’ll STRIKE YOU DOWN YOU LITTLE…!”  I yelled back, “THEN GO AHEAD AND STRIKE ME!  I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO HAVE ME!”  Apparently that last statement of mine is one that really gets his goat because believe it or not he then closed his eyes and said, “Serenity now, serenity now.”  He scares me the most when he gets that quiet tone that he’s known for and starts talking about serenity.

     I think his main problem is that he always has to WIN every single argument.  He thinks he knows everything, and if you have ever known someone who thinks they know everything then you know what I have to deal with.  Have you ever been in an argument with someone who has to win every single debate and has to have every SINGLE last word?  It can get to be so annoying.  I am constantly telling myself to just let him think what he wants and just shut up and that I know the truth, but I just can’t keep my mouth shut as Jesus would and does say. 

     The one thing he’s NOT going to do is apologize so I’m just going to give him some time to cool down and generally that doesn’t take long with him because he’s got so many other problem children aside from me to take care of that in that way I’m lucky.  When it comes to some of the other problem children I look like a saint.  That’s why he calls me Anthonystjoseph.  When he’s in a good mood and I haven’t pissed him off he often tells me how much he loves me and that Saint Anthony and Saint Joseph are proud of me since I was named after them.  We have lots of good times but the arguments just get carried away sometimes and he can be spiteful and vengeful and really ‘mess’ my days up when he’s mad but I go on and hold my head high knowing that I’m right and sometimes he’s not all right.  He then lets me know that he’s always right and I then say, “Sure you are” with my fingers crossed behind my back.  Once, Jesus told on me and said, “His fingers are crossed dad!”  God yelled, “YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT!  I KNOW EVERYTHING!”

By

Anthonystjoseph

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